Nerd to the Core

Laura Stevenson and the Cans- "Master of Art"

2012-01-14T11:57:00.000-05:00

You came with your faith unshaken,
Unabashed oh my darling you're amazing,
With your hands so cold and full of calouses.

Your name was the only word that I hear,
I Cut your hair short so I could see your ears,
And I could know you hear my name, hear my name.

You'll be strong and I'll be sure.

All I could pray for is that you'ld please wait for
Me until I am a Master of Art,
Until I have done everything.

Then I swear we can go away for just as long as you think you could take me,
You should know that I am often difficult

And we'll move to it away,
Won't break our fingers when we wake up
And we'll stay inside a shape,
And we will never ever worry
Never ever worry, yeah. Oh~

Don't tire of,
Don't tire of me yet.

I could lie and say to you that this would soon be over,
I could lie and say I knew, that I'ld be waking up tomorrow.

You came with your faith unshaken,
Unabashed oh my darling you're amazing,
With your hands so cold and full of calouses.

I could lie and say to you that this would soon be over,
I could lie and say I knew, I would be waking up tomorrow,
I could make a shape for us to stay until we have to go away again,
Away is just a little again. Oh~

Iron Chic- "Time Keeps on Slipping into the (Cosmic) Future"

2012-01-09T11:01:00.003-05:00

Saw this live. This band rips.

The cycle goes on and on
an endless circle of scaring the shit out of me
as we get strung along
dragged 'til were nothing but cosmic debris
If there's something wrong
then there's something wrong with everything
and what spurs us on
will pull us apart
just trying to find our place
fight our way through a four dimensional space
and our reward for this
is not knowing why we exist
if there's nothing wrong
then there's nothing wrong with anything
and what spurs us on
will pull us apart
If I can ask one thing when I am dead
would you lay me down by the river bed?
let me wash away
let it take me back from where I came
all I am and all I was is just
blood and dirt and bones and mud
and I'm better off that way
I'm better off that way

The Arrivals- "Simple Pleasures In America"

2011-12-30T23:38:00.000-05:00

A friend came up to me
And she said “Why’s it always gotta be
Just a sad sad song,
Someone’s falling apart,
It’s always not enough money and too much heart.”
And right away I could see
That’s sometimes how it seemed
And I don’t wanna be a bitch
And I don’t wanna just hate on rich folks
Though that’s
Kind of how we have our fun
Still just for her
This is a positive one

I like the bill of rights and I like to ride my bicycle
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I like to go that extra mile to turn your frown into a smile
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I enjoy speaking my mind
And blaring records late at night
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I just wanna drink some whiskey
And hang with good company
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

For the rest of our lives
We’ll probably work for someone else
So for tonight
We are
HAVING
A
PARTY

Here’s to Montrose beach and Chicago public library
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I like not having to worry about rationed electricity
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

And access to uncensored news, cheap booze, OH AMERICA!
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

Simple pleasures in
Simple pleasures in America
Simple pleasures
In America

Banner Pilot- "Division Street"

2011-11-20T21:43:00.001-05:00

If I’ve had better days then they’re hard to remember,
I was stuck in a bender before we met, there wasn’t anything.
But I’ve been on a high since the moment I saw you,
And there’s nothing I won’t do for you now because you’re everything.

And as we’re walking back through these north east streets and we pass the neon signs,
I see the stars explode and I start to float when you put your hand in mine.

And I won’t let go,
This sky can tumble down.
Earthquake can cut the ground,
It won’t shake us, hold on tight.
Blue eyes and moon glow,
This world can disappear.
It’s just you and me my dear,
No distractions, no red lights.

I know I have my days when I get real dramatic.
I get lost in the static and when you talk I don’t hear anything.
And I know that there’ll be times when we’re missing the West Coast
And remembering old ghosts we left behind before Division Street.

And as we’re walking back through these north east streets and we pass the neon signs,
I see the stars explode and I start to float when you put your hand in mine.

And I won’t let go,
This sky can tumble down.
Earthquake can cut the ground,
It won’t shake us, hold on tight.
Blue eyes and moon glow,
This world can disappear.
It’s just you and me my dear,
No distractions, no red lights.

And when the morning sun is missing, my heart beats pacific
And when the morning sun is missing, my heart beats pacific
And when the morning sun is missing, my heart beats pacific
And when the morning sun is missing, my heart beats pacific
And when the morning sun is missing, my heart beats pacific
And when the morning sun is missing, my heart beats pacific

I love this stuff

2011-11-10T07:29:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite bands covering one of my favorite songs from another band.

Please do this more...

Test

2011-11-09T17:42:00.001-05:00

Trying out a new Droid app.

The Flatliners- "So It Goes (by the Menzingers)"

2011-11-01T11:10:00.000-04:00

Holy hell yes!

LaGrecia- "The Montage"

2011-09-18T21:17:00.001-04:00

So you got a little loaded
And realized that you liked it
Maybe a little broken-hearted
Or something to that effect

You never took your chance to leave it
All the answers in your body
Instead it stays internally
It’s never going away

You let sleeping dogs lie
You let yourself get angry
It’s hard to be affected now by anyone
It’s hard to be affected

You can’t beat yourself up
You can’t put yourself down like that
Stop being so ominous
Stop being so goddamn obvious
Do you have a bit of surprise?
It’s tough and quicker than you think
It’s hard to live any other way
It’s hard to live any other way

When you’re cursing at the moon in the night
The cold blues just feels so right
You in the wail and appealing
Just to know you’re alive

Maybe you’re looking for a lyric
If it’s poetic that you’re chasing
I hope you find it real soon
I hope you find it real soon

The longer you wait
The tougher you make decisions
Decisions that won’t make or break you
But you let it control you

The harder you breathe
The quicker fatigue
It makes your body numb
I know that you can’t help it
I know that you can’t help it

You let sleeping dogs lie
You let yourself get angry
It’s hard to be affected now by anyone
It’s hard to be affected

You can’t beat yourself up
You can’t put yourself down like that
Stop being so ominous
Stop being so goddamn obvious
Do you have a bit of surprise?
It’s tough and quicker than you think
It’s hard to live any other way

But you should know
That you can start over

Less Than Jake- "Last Hour of the Last Day of Work"

2011-08-11T08:51:00.000-04:00

I couldn't help but think back to the advice
that I got from my dad a few times
he said"...time goes by so fast in a blink of an eye
so never close your eyes..."
"...I always wanted something more than 50 hours every week
and a paid vacation on the jersey shoreline"
And he said
So when ambition turns into competition
I'll never be the better man
I can't help but think back to the time
he said "life goes right by"
And told me never think twice
"you can't second guess how to live your life"
All these years have been way too short
to be spent on some factory floor like me
I never went back again
I never looked back again
And he said
So when ambition turns into competition
I'll never be the better man
It's the last hour of the last day
don't fall so far behind now
you'll be another nameless face
he said

House Boat- "Real Life as a Metaphor for Real Life"

2011-08-09T19:37:00.001-04:00

Real Life As A Metaphor For Real Life by House Boat

Syke! This one is better

2011-07-29T10:27:00.001-04:00

A better video-

Syke! Life is Awesome- BTMI!

2011-07-28T18:18:00.001-04:00

I sat along the rocks and I watched the cold Maine water rush away.
The sun and my guitar and I knew what you were doing yesterday.
You broke those promises but I'll get over it.
'Cause as long as I'm breathing fresh air I really don’t give a shit.
But I'll get mad for the next ten years, but realize sometimes things are great.

I didn't have directions, I hadn't eaten anything all day.
We sucked a fat one and wasted a hundred dollars just to play.
I ate a bag of peanuts before the windy road.
I couldn't drink a thing all night because of the vomit in my throat.
Then you gave me your sweatshirt and your number, sometimes things are great.

You don't own me! You don't own me!

I worked my ass off my entire life to accomplish my dream.
It started happening and everything got bastardized by greed.
I said, "Pull this shit over and let me out,
I swear to fucking God I'm fucking giving up right now."
And now I've got a brand new start, I realize sometimes things are great.

Scream it in apartment halls -
Shout this shit in shopping malls -
Take a ball point pen and paint the inside of your eyelids with the constant reminder:
You don't own me. You don't own me.

Then I was underground without food, sunlight or encouragement.
Depression set in I was a product of my environment.
And then the other day, you said, “Jeff, get in your car.
Yeah, pick Glenn Tillbrook up at the hotel and take him to the bar.”
And he wore a t-shirt just like me and he wasn't on his phone
For fifteen fucking minutes I had a conversation with my hero.
I'll be mad for the next ten years
And after that I’ll drink ten beers until the bar runs out of beers
And prepare for the next twenty-three years.

And if I wasn't a fat kid in high school, I would have never listened to punk rock.
And if I knew how to throw a football, I would have never played any music.
And if never got my heart broken, I would sing, "Blah blah fucking nothing."
And if you didn't fuck my ex-girlfriend, I would still owe you three thousand dollars.
And if I never lived in that van there I wouldn't have met Chris or Steve, Alex, James, or Middagh.
And if I never worked in a basement I would have never quit my job.
And if I had a big emo band or dropped out of college, I would have never met you, man.

2011-07-24T17:23:00.001-04:00

It's funny when people get angry at you for acting a certain way, and then act that way all the time.

2011-07-23T09:17:00.000-04:00

It's not like I planned it, but yesterday, I was up for 22 hours.

2011-07-21T21:08:00.002-04:00

That song below, the First Eviction Notice.
I heard it for the first time in a cabin at my camp. A girl I had a crush on played it for me. It never worked out.
Years later, I saw the Lawrence Arms in Brooklyn. That same girl was there with her husband.

2011-07-21T20:59:00.001-04:00

This was the first Lawrence Arms song I ever heard, and I love this version as well...but not as much as the first.

2011-07-20T10:10:00.001-04:00

New razor + aftershave = important day. Beard must be pristine.

Off With Their Heads- "Clear the Air"

2011-07-19T21:13:00.001-04:00

I wanted to tell you, I wanted to share,
Some important details that you're unaware
I want you to listen, I want you to care,
I'll choke to death if I don't clear the air
It's not a secret that I obsess,
And then I get angry, and then I get stressed
And you can't imagine, you can't compare,
You have no frame of reference and then you get scared
I'm doing my best to help make you see,
That it's not your fault, when I'll beg and I'll plead
It's much easier to go back to sleep,
We gotta find a place to start because I'm falling apart

I never feel happy, I never feel safe,
I can't let myself ever stay in one place
I look in the mirror and I see the face
Of a failure who will never be significant
The face that you see from morning to night
Is the mask that I put on to hide whats inside
I don't take it off until you fall asleep,
I don't want you to see what live inside of me
I thought I'd get older and it'd go away,
But it only gets worse and causes more pain
And being alone is getting so hard, I just got to tell you

God dammit, I'm falling apart

I'm down on my knees in the dark
Feeling for whatever is left
But the pieces are falling too far

God dammit, I'm falling apart

Don't leave yet, I haven't got to the part that explains at all
Don't leave yet, I need some body there to catch me before I fall
God dammit, I'm falling apart

I wanted to tell you, I wanted to share,
Some important details that you're unaware
I want you to listen, I want you to care,
I'll choke to death if I don't clear the air right now

2011-06-15T21:23:00.001-04:00

Sometimes all it takes are the little things in life to click before the big things fall into place.

2011-06-13T21:39:00.002-04:00

Yoga has been fun. Tiring, fulfilling, and it has definitely improved my posture.
It's a start.

2011-06-07T17:03:00.002-04:00

So of course one day after declaring my intent to write more often...I don't write.
It wasn't intentional. For some reason yesterday, I was exhausted. I got home from a staff retreat and instead of schlubbing around my apartment, I called a friend and walked to the local library.

I grew up in Brooklyn. I would walk everywhere, and if I was too tired to walk home, I would take public transportation home. It was great. It was liberating. It made the world seem alive. Where I live now, the library is the closest walkable destination. No sidewalks, no shops on the way. Just a tiny library, with a better movie selection than reading options. What does that say about America today?

Anyway, after this walk, which took the better part of an hour (growing up the library was 5 minutes away, now it is 20), in a strong summer sun, I was beat. I watched some TV and crashed, and boy did I crash. I passed out and next thing I knew it was time to actually go to sleep. That nap ruined my day. I didn't sleep well and woke up late, missing my time at the gym. I have been out of sorts all day, exhausted and cramping, and left work early.

Now, 4 hours later, I am feeling back to normal. I started one of the books, but am still working on feeling better in my, as my sister says, dome piece.

Thankfully, I have the vote of confidence from some friends, so that helps.

Teenage Bottlerocket "Mutilate Me"

2011-04-16T16:00:00.005-04:00

First things first: I love this band. To me, this band is what pop-punk should be- quick paced, tightly played, catchy hooks, and vocals that are just off enough to make you love them. I saw TBR once at Club Europa in Brooklyn, and they blew me away. They had an hour set and just did not stop playing. Everything about them screamed energy and fun.

They make me want to play in a band. I'm sure you know that feeling.

Anyway, earlier today I got a hold of TBR's new single "Mutilate Me" and quickly tweeted (look how up on shit this guy is) that this song was probably the best pop-punk song of the decade.
Everything I said about the band applies here. The song is just long enough, punchy and catchy with incredibly tight instrumentation that doesn't break the genre in half but rather pays an amazing homage to the history of pop-punk. The vocals aren't going to win any awards (in the public arena, at least) but the slightly nasal tones just compliment the lyrics so damn well. The song, about S&M, is so damn catchy. I have found myself rewinding it (read clicking back on my iPod) over and over just to sing along with the chorus "I want you to dominate me/I want you to violate me/I want you to, then for what it's worth/ I want you to pretend you hate me."
Unlike other songs on this subject I've heard, this one actually makes the process sound enjoyable and again, it has the hook. The chugging guitars provide a sexual rhythm that works well with the song and well, just listen for yourself.

I cannot wait to see them live again. Pick this single up, like, yesterday.

2011-04-16T13:45:00.002-04:00

Getting dressed after a night out is the hardest thing ever.

2011-04-16T12:50:00.000-04:00

Nothing screams "I love drugs" quite like a picture of yourself at Burning Man on okcupid.

2011-04-11T08:48:00.001-04:00

A benefit of being short: saving money on clothes by shopping in the children's section.
Flip side: the odd looks you get as the bearded guy in Old Navy Kids.

2011-03-01T22:41:00.001-05:00

Life as a male internet dater is rough. I am positive that there are two distinct species of men on dating sites:
1)Dudes who are looking for a series of quick lays
2)Dudes who are actually looking to meet someone meaningful
Nothing in between. And dudes that fall into category one totally ruin it for the guys in category two. Trying to start a conversation with a woman on one of these sites is so hard, because as a guy who claims to fall into the latter bunch, I have to fight through the perception that I am just out there to get laid.
Here are some other things that suck about online dating:
Everyone claims to be a unique free spirit who loves to hang out with friends, go out or stay in, enjoys wine and the same indie bands. Stop it.
It doesn't matter how nice you are, because everyone has the idea that they are going to meet the absolutely right person online, and that if you do not meet their incredibly high standards (which, let's face it, we're online dating, take a chance people), you are not worth their time.
Super-awkward first dates. Both parties are going in mostly cold, and that is incredibly hard on the psyche.
Verbal first impressions are tough. I have been on quite a few dates and on more than one occasion have been told that I am much shorter than they expected. Here's a hint- I put my height in my profile, check it out. While I have never been explicitly dumped for being short, I have had many people stop seeing me and mention the fact that I am short/thin/smaller than they are as an underlying reason. Seriously?
Profile based judgment.
Not specific to online dating, but it seems like the main skills in dating are all designed so you never have to use them again, ideally.
Now part of this is on me as well. I am pretty darn isolated due to work and so I do not have a chance to get out and meet people in a more organic setting, so I am limited to the web. Have I had success? Well, I've been on a lot of dates, but have yet to sustain a relationship. Which is fine, but sometimes, I just want to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Instead, what I see, is a history of hilarity.
So here is my plea: we are dating online because we want to meet someone. Let us give each other chances but be realistic. Treat everyone else with humanity, since we are all human and are engaging in this behavior because we want to fulfill some aspect of the human condition.
But I'm not bitter or anything.

2011-02-12T17:40:00.001-05:00

This is awesome.

2011-02-07T21:07:00.000-05:00

In the Garage

2010-10-12T21:17:00.008-04:00

Could it have been true?
My friend, Mike, sent me a link. I was incredibly stoked.
Bomb the Music Industry! was planning on playing the Blue Album and Pinkerton, by Weezer, in their entirety at a house show.
I was hurt when I found out I did not make the list for the first show on Saturday, October 9th, but I found bliss when I heard I made the list for the 10th. Sure, I would have to leave right from my cousin's wedding, but for such an event, it had to be worth the energy.

I remember the first time I was exposed to Weezer. I was in fourth grade and in one of our music classes (more like music appreciation), some of the fifth graders had mentioned this song, Buddy Holly, that they heard on the radio. They got the tape and played it for us in class.
I remember loving that song, absolutely loving every last note. As I began to understand the lyrics, I found a kindred spirit in the character of the song- I wanted that life, the sappy life epitomized by the video, taking place in "Happy Days." That video alone would have gotten me to fall head over heels for the song. So many days after school were spent watching the trials and tribulations of Richie and Fonzie on my babysitter's television, that the visual version of the song struck a chord.

Fast forward to high school tech crew: the Blue Album was a constant soundtrack to our life in the crew room. I became enamored with the rest of the Blue Album, using Napster to acquire my favorite tracks. I am not sure when I actually bought the album, but I know I did. At some point during this era, during my wading into the shallow end of punk rock, I heard about the elusive Pinkerton. It may have been years later, but walking around 7th Avenue in Park Slope, I stopped into my favorite music store and found it- a copy of Pinkerton. I snatched it up, and listened to it over and over. It was not until years later that I really grasped the album- that it clicked with me. It still pains me that I do not have my original copy, thanks to a careless UPS delivery man who lost all my CDs in my move to Buffalo.

I drifted away from Weezer. Mediocre releases followed by ones that just did not click with me made me shirk the band. I moved all but these two albums off my hard drive. I would spin them occasionally, letting those memories of my youth waft through my ears. By now, I was doing laps in the punk rock pool- there was so much music out there, I barely had time to revisit those stepping stones. But BTMI!'s announcement brought all these memories rushing back.

It was a two hour drive back from the wedding to my parent's house in Brooklyn with my sister in the back seat and her boyfriend riding shotgun. Two hours in traffic and sun glare. Two hours of trying to figure out the directions and mulling over whether or not I should go to the show or trudge back to my home to get some much needed shut eye. Needless to say, I made the right decision.

The drive there was easy, although I did breeze by the house a few times. I made my way in and waited patiently for my friends to arrive. I spoke with Jeff from BTMI! for a few minutes before meandering around the house, realizing that at one point I wanted to live in such a collective. Man, was I wrong.

A little after nine, they took the stage, under a kludge mock up of Weezer's classic flying W. From the raw explosion of "My Name is Jonas", the crowd erupted. Like any good show, there was a massive release of pent up stress and anger. Every participant expelled the anger from their body and was full of pure joy. For me, this concert was about experiencing those memories all over again- of feeling like an outsider, only I was finally doing it in a place where I was comfortable. I grabbed strangers and hugged them. I shouted the lyrics into their face.
"No One Else" was filled with so much fire and emotion. "The Wold Has Turned And Left Me Here," a song I identified with for so long, nearly brought me to tears. If I had a few more beers in me, it would have done just that.
And then came "Buddy Holly." It was bliss. Pure bliss.
BTMI! played them all, giving an absolutely truthful representation of the Blue Album. The angst and isolation was all there. But it wasn't directed at us. If anyone, it was directed at the world out there- in the cool Brooklyn night. Inside, we were the ones that belonged.

The crowd had thinned for the Pinkerton set, and I did not know all the lyrics, but I sang and danced and yelled all the same. Hearing it live gave me a whole new appreciation for the album. The pure rage of that album filtered through my head, and now I know why I should have been even more excited to find a copy, and am not even more distraught that I only have the digital essence. "Tired of Sex" kicked things off and the crowd, though diminished, never let up.

I am forever thankful I was able to make this show. Bomb the Music Industry! captured everything wonderful about those albums and gave it back to the world in the way they were meant to be heard, not in arenas.

Bomb the Music Industry! - Buddy Holly from If You Make It on Vimeo.

That's me, grinning like the happy kid I was, in the lower right hand corner.

Later dudes,

2010-10-03T21:54:00.001-04:00

No idea

2010-09-11T20:03:00.002-04:00

I was walking out of an appointment on Tuesday, and passed by a restaurant with big glass windows. I usually go past it, glance in, see if I see anyone I know. Occasionally I'll see an old student and wave hello.

This time, however, was different.

I'm strolling by, headphones in, and this cute girl waves at me. She looks like she could be a student, so I wave back. She suddenly looks awkward, so I ask through the glass, mouthing the words "Do I know you?," and she just keeps giggling.

I'm unsure what's going on, so I double back and head inside. I see her, face to face, and ask "Do I know you?"

She giggles, and mumbles "No" and then runs away.

These things really happen to me.

Buh?

2010-09-02T12:57:00.002-04:00

So I'm on jDate, partially because work keeps me from having a social life and partially because it is way easier to get rejected online than face getting shot down in real life.
I had been speaking with a woman for a few days who seemed awesome, but kept alluding to a secret. When she told me that she was seeing someone, but that it wasn't going well, I put that in the secret column.
So we chat, and things are going well (to me at least) and then she asks me, as a former sex educator (gotta love Grad School Assistantships) how would I advise someone with an STD to have a healthy sexual relationship. I assume it's for a friend she had told me she was helping.
I say something to the effect of safe sex and an understanding partner. I then also say that personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with someone with Herpes or HIV. She replies:

"I guess this is goodbye."

Before I can really fully process what I'm writing to her or what she wrote back, she goes:

"You won't even get to know me" and then cuts off contact.

The thing is, I felt bad. I didn't like that. As I see, I got to know her: she kept two important pieces of information from me (relationship status AND sexual health). At this point in my life, I'm not looking to date, I'm looking to meet someone for something a little more long term, so I want someone I can sleep with safely. Is that so much to ask? I am taking steps to protect myself and any potential future partners. But no, in this scenario, I am cast as a villain.

As if internet dating isn't hard enough. Seriously, I am sick of women writing "please be 5'9"." Seriously? I mean, I understand- I'd rather have someone tell me up front than hide her reservations about my size from me and let them out in small bursts culminating in a ten minute dumping via phone, but it still stings.

2010-08-24T21:57:00.001-04:00

I am exhausted.
I love my job.

Speechless

2010-08-21T19:49:00.001-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Good and the Bad

2010-08-20T06:25:00.003-04:00

The Good: Meeting fun people who seem interesting on the jDate.
The Bad: Having a work schedule that will prevent me from seeing any of them before Labor Day.

I'm on a boat

2010-08-18T17:05:00.000-04:00

The Vegan Who Ate My Face

2010-08-18T12:30:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I just feel like I have to write.
Or rather, I want to write because I want to feel important. I rarely have anything important to say, but putting it all out there into the anonymous world of the internet somehow makes me feel important. I am a speck, but I am a totally kick ass speck.
The past few months have been...interesting. I had a relationship with Mystery Girl. Mystery Girl was great, but circumstances made it difficult for the relationship to continue.
Also, I came to terms with my height a long time ago- get over it world.
One of my friends recommended that I remove my height from my online dating profile, stating that she thought the reason I was having problems making that initial point of contact was that some of these people are "shallow" and can't look past my height.
Even if that's the case, I'm 5'4", and I have been for years. My height helped to make me who I am today (try being the short kid in grade school...not fun). I'm not going to hide that.

Separately, I went to a concert- Bomb the Music Industry! to be specific. I met up with friends and had a great time in general, and a woman there was, as the kids say, all up on me. It culminated in her assaulting me with he mouth during the headliner's set for the sloppiest make out I have had in a long while. It made me feel like an idiot college kid again. Unlike that idiot kid though, I got her number and we met up later.

We had everything in common except we were terrible for each other.

Also she's a vegan and I am not. For someone who enjoys cooking (me), this is a pretty awkward situation.

"Hi honey, I made chicken."
"Um..."
"Grilled Cheese?"
"Um..."
"I made raw spinach?"

This is a fake conversation.

Regardless, it was an awkward date seeing as she did not remember much about eating my face at the concert.

I'm feeling weird, though. After listening to Frank Turner non-stop and going to see "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" (P.S. Go see this movie right fucking now. Are you back? Good!) something has switched inside my head/heart combo. I am not fully sure what the hell happened, but I'm sure I'll write about it here in overly dramatic fashion.
I don't know how to explain it, but I feel young at heart again, like, before I had my heart ripped out the first time.

Later dudes,

2010-08-17T23:16:00.002-04:00

Gorram I love this song.

2010-07-26T07:48:00.000-04:00

Because I needed to see that this morning.

2010-07-25T20:16:00.001-04:00

The only constant in my life has been me, and I fear I need to change.

Mistakes

2010-04-23T07:51:00.001-04:00

I hate making mistakes at work.
What I hate even more is the feeling that I have to somehow prove to my boss that I'm not going to mess up in the future, as if justifying my place in the workforce.
I need to get over myself.

Klutz

2010-04-22T08:01:00.001-04:00

In the past twelve hours I have slammed my shoulder into a door knob and cracked my big toe nail on a cabinet.
I am such a winner.

The Menzingers

2010-04-07T07:37:00.004-04:00

Full disclosure: I love this band.
My first encounter with the Menzingers was during 2006 or 2007- my first year in grad school. I was in a bad place- new city, few friends, just been dumped, and my supervisor and I did not get along very well. Combine this with the fact that I did not have a car, getting away from where I worked/lived/educated myself was a daunting proposition.
I did the best I could- I probably could have done better. One of my escapes at work, however, was the computer, where I would play various internet radio stations to carry me away from the shit that was my day. One such station was punkradiocast- a Canadian station that played a good (if repetitive) mix of songs and exposed me to a ton of artists (including the Copyrights and American Steel). One day, a song I later discovered to be "Sir, Yes Sir" came on and I was hooked, instantly. Only I had no clue what the name of the song or artist was, listening through Windows Media Player as I had to at work. I would go home every night, searching the depths of Google for any hint to the lyrics I remembered. Eventually, after months of searching, one virus laden site had the name of the song, the band, and the album.
The Menzingers...A Lesson in the Abuse of Information Technology
I got my hands on the album some time later, and just devoured it whole. I loved every second that graced my ears. "A Lesson" leaves you winded, exhausted, and beat up- you have just come out of a Fight Club brawl with a smile on your bloodied face.
Over time I got involved in a message board that shared my love for the Mezingers. When their EP, "Hold on Dodge" came out, we all had a collective smile of pure joy. The same punchers attitude permeated the album, but in a far more mature way. When the single for the new album came out, we fawned over the acoustic tracks.
I have managed to see this band twice now, and both times, they absolutely blew me away. The first time, at a punk house in Bushwhick...words cannot describe. Within one song, both vocalist mics were broken and I was showered in beer. I was yelling, screaming, climbing over people singing along to every lyric. After, I shared whiskey with the vocalist, Greg.
I saw them again a few weeks later at a bar in Williamsburg. They went on first. There was not mashing of bodies against each other this time, not until my friend jumped on my back, nearly knocking me into the band. The set was just as energetic, peppered with tracks from their impending release.
Afterward, we shared pizza and beer with Greg during the second band (who were horrendous). I even managed to embarrass the vocalist at the end of the show, proclaiming my distaste for the second band...standing not one foot from her. Oops.
Yesterday, the Menzingers released "Chamberlain Waits" digitally. This album kicked my ass in a totally different way the "A Lesson." Rather than a brawl, this was an artistic beatdown from the likes of Jet Li. I was floored, and continue to be, listening to the album six times in 16 hours.
Catchy and passionate, this album does not disappoint. If you feel any disillusionment at all with the current state of things, do yourself a favor and pick up their discography, and yell along in cathartic bliss.

Every Thug Needs a Lady

2010-03-15T18:05:00.000-04:00

I had a date this weekend. It was not a bad date, but my heart was not into the event. I was tired and upset- I had lost power the night before at a storm. Well, not me, but my apartment and place of work did, and I was looking at the prospect of living with my parents for a few days. So as I type this, I am sitting in a coffee shop a block and a half from my parents' in Brooklyn. I wish I could find a place like this in Westchester (although I could deal without the singing infants, but thankfully, I have headphones).
I saw Alkaline Trio on Friday, and while I really enjoyed seeing them, the show was just, well, pretty average. Do not get me wrong, I loved seeing this band finally- I have been listening to them for years, but the venue was nothing special. Also, with a band like Trio, with their ten albums worth of material, then they are no doubt not going to play everyone's favorite songs. They hit some of mine, but I really wished they had hit a few more. Oh well.
The low point of the evening was when this woman, obviously intoxicated, was flirting with me. I was not going to do anything untoward with her, but I would have liked to have gotten her number before her friend whisked her away. A yoga instructor. Who lived in Westchester. Who seemed impressed with my job.
Gotta move faster Alex, gotta move faster.
I did manage to see Cursive, finally, and damn, I do not know why I stopped listening to them. These guys kicked so much ass. Tim, the lead singer, just, well, gave himself over to the show, and it really looked like he left it all out there on stage. Good for him.
So back to the date on Sunday. A jDate, of course- although my first one in four months. She picked the place, and it was a nice lunch. Recovering from a cold and trying to figure out my plans for the next day in the back of my mind, my effort was misaligned. That being said, we did not click well. She was smart, valued education and helping people, and had great taste in movies and television shows. Oh, and she was absolutely beautiful.
So why did it not work?
Maybe because my mind was somewhere else, or maybe because we just did not have that spark. Perhaps it was because the date was on her home turf- someplace she was familiar with and comfortable, setting me on edge. It could be that I was just intimidated by her, which has been known to happen.
Is this dating? I do not know. I spent my teenage years without dating because I was an awkward and immature teenager. In college, no one really dated- people just got together. Now, I have to learn how to date while also trying to meet people. It certainly is an adventure, as my log of awkward dates continues to grow (and only a small percent are awkward because of something I do).
Makes me really wish I got that woman's number.

Victory Gin

2010-03-08T16:19:00.002-05:00

My friend's wife murdered their daughter. There's no way around it- this is something that happened and has shaped the past two weeks of my life and will change everything going forward. I am putting it out there, not because I want to bring you down, but because it's something tragic that happened, that I was close to, that is affecting how I am feeling.

I have been making mistakes at work recently. I hate it, not because they are mistakes but because they are items I shouldn't be missing. I have no one to blame but myself, but I need to learn how to just accept them and move on. I love my job, I love my career, but I cannot let these things dominate my life.
My dad says, work to live, not live to work. I thought I was lucky, that I had found a place where my life and work could meld in a joyous way. While this has happened, I wouldn't call it joyous. The friend I mentioned, is also my coworker; his daughter a student.
Two of the people that reached out to me after the tragedy were Magic players. These are people who I share a game with, but reached out, not for advice on the game, but to console me. My life and work, they are inseparable, for now.
I feel, sometimes, that I never really get away. I live where I work- I have a phone that I carry with me all the time. I am constantly tethered to my desk. I finally got away, and went home for a few days and it was glorious.

I sat in traffic, anxious about missing the show. Drew told me I would have to get there early to make sure I got a spot in the loft. The commute had other ideas. Somehow, after the wrong turns and red lights (with a little help from Dad), I made it to the venue and promptly whiskey myself inside. I was person number seven.
The bands all kicked ass. The place was packed. I could not believe how much fun I had, and how I longed for such an event in Westchester. When one band laid into NoFX's "Linoleum" I launched myself into the pit, and barely left for the Menzingers set.
Let me tell you- I was a mess. Tank top and jeans, my Reeboks a dungy shade of gray from the bottoms of shoes and spilled beer. Coated in a layer of my sweat, a layer of sweat from everyone else, plus a fine mist of beer shower. The place was a whirling dervish of joy, and I long to feel that again.

I walked around my old haunt on Saturday, just happy to be able to walk around town. I went to a bar and had a delicious beer, and finally heard good music on the juke. The Ramones sang to me before the siren song of the Dillinger Four made me long to return. After a night out with my sister, I drove home on Sunday.

And now? Now I search everywhere nearby for something with character. I'm from Brooklyn, dammit, and everything here lacks soul. I want a coffee shop, not a Starbucks. I want to know that this bar plays Johnny Cash and that one plays the Ramones- I don't want them all to play Dave Matthews.
New York might be unique, but please, there must be people here that do not want the same old cookie cutter life, over and over.
I miss the city- I long for the smell of exhaust and the bustle of streets. I can't walk anywhere up here.

My life- it's not bad. I just miss my home town. Thankfully, it's only an hour away.

2010-02-04T20:04:00.002-05:00

I hate making mistake. I'm a fucking perfectionist about certain things in life, like my job. I have made a bunch of mistakes recently- none that will get me canned or anything, but things that add up. Most are relatively minor and easily corrected- a few have been bigger, and more difficult to correct. I have gotten better at not taking these things personally, but still, I really despise fucking up.
For years, I have partially defined myself by what I do. In college, I was a student and a techie. For a brief time I was able to be a person, social, and get out there. Then I was a grad student and worker, and now I'm a professional. When I make a mistake, sometimes I feel like it cuts to the core. This also happens in my Magic writing, but I have gotten better about letting that stuff slide off my back.
I guess part of this stems from how fucking hard it is to define yourself in this day an age. Yes, identity is as fleeting as it is firm- you are only what you claim to be if you put forth the effort. I have a lot of experience trying to define myself for dating websites and job applications, but what do I say?
I'm Jewish?
I'm passionate?
I listen to punk rock?
I'm fucking awesome?
That's part of the reason I have this blog- to try and figure out what I am. I am a self proclaimed nerd, but even that doesn't say everything about me. In this world where we're all just trying to find a connection, I think we a re best defined by our roles in our relationships with others. This is one of the reasons why I miss living in Brooklyn- it was easy for me to go out and find the comfort zones of identity. Here, I have to brave new ground and do it all over again. It's fin, but tiring. After a day of work, I don't always have the energy to go out to the bar and be a social person. I made it out today and had a Heineken Light, at the behest and suggestion of my sister (a smart one).
Thursdays are not the best days at my local watering hole, especially to meet people.

2010-02-01T14:06:00.002-05:00

Friday night was unremarkable. Like so many others, I was working, although this time my stomach was rather upset. I had to sneak off to the secret bathroom in the Castle a few times to make use of the hidden toilet-no lights in this place- like a scene from a bad Jason movie.
Anyway, it is a night like so many others- watching the clock, counting down the minutes until I get to go home.
And then my Junior year roommate walks in.
I had not spoken to this man in nearly five years- we parted on less than amicable terms. We were both arrogant kids at the time, only he had a girlfriend and would frequently fight with her loudly and with consequences. He once put his head into my wall, leaving a dent. I was no prince either, being rather loud about my distaste for him.
It was like the odd couple, only with two short people angry at each other.
So he's there, and we have the awkward hello. I can only imagine what's going through his head, since he's there as a guest of a first year student.
I don't see him the rest of the night, but find a facebook message from him today. None of this sits right with me. I mean, I am all for making amends, but that's not what irks me.
I think I'm jealous of the man.
I work at a place where the people I come into contact with the most, the students, are off limits socially (as they should be- I am not complaining about this at all). But not to him...someone my own age. He's free to date whomever he pleases. That rubs me the wrong way a little.
But at the same time, what scares me is I know the developmental cycle for most traditional aged college students, and, well, it feels just off. 25 and 18 does not seem like such a huge difference, but one person is just starting college, and the other has been out for nearly three years.
I dunno; maybe it's just jealously.

Wake me when you learn to be cool

2010-01-28T20:39:00.004-05:00

I got my hands on the new Motion City Soundtrack album, and it made me fall in love with being a nerd. Again.
No, that's not quite right. Rather, I feel like their music describes how I view myself when I talk about being a nerd. The character they craft for their music is one who lacks confidence at times, but is wholly engaged with the subculture he/she inhabits. Someone trying to improve their individual self, while not shirking uniqueness yet trying fitting into the world at large.
I signed up for jDate again, but have such mixed feelings about the entire process. I mean, in the past year most of my dates have come from this site, and I like to think I have learned a lot, but I cannot get over this nagging feeling that sites like these are actively bad for the world. I mean, I am all for meeting that special someone, but have we really created a world where the best way to do that is online? Also, chatting via instant message is annoying when people get up to do something and neglect to tell you, so sometimes you're just chatting and saying a bunch while they're off in the bathroom, and come back to your frantic wall of text, trying to keep them interested in your boring life.
I mean, there are positive attributes. You actually get to talk to the person before meeting them in the flesh to see if you mesh well, and you do not have to attract someone across a crowded bar (although I am a dashing fellow).
But something is missing. I am not entirely sure what it is since my one relationship ever started when a woman walked up to me and we started discussing who was a bigger nerd.
More than anything else, though, the site breaks down the lives of people into words, and that is just so difficult. I have read so many profiles about women who love to travel, and I wonder: what does that really mean? Do you want to see other parts of the world or is there just nothing going on for you right now?
Who knows.

I love google

2010-01-17T21:26:00.001-05:00

When you Google ridiculous, this pops up

You're welcome

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 14

2009-11-06T21:00:00.002-05:00

In the final round of IPA, Matt Tabak's deck dismantles me and I drop the match in two games.
Draft Record: 5-1
Constructed Record: 4-4
Overall record: 9-5.

Pretty good weekend. Let's see if we win, since Bubba managed to win sweep the multiplier event.

Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 13

2009-11-06T19:54:00.002-05:00

IPA match 2, overall round 13, I play against Aaron Forsythe for the third time in the weekend, and take him down in three games, leaving my overall record at 9-4 on the weekend.

One more to go, can I sweep the draft?

Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 12

2009-11-06T19:02:00.003-05:00

The final three rounds are IPA draft, and of course I am matched up against Mark Gottlieb, who I have beaten previously in an IPA practice draft. My draft is a decent Dromar concoction, but with no bombs, just good card advantage. I get there in game three with a little (read a lot) of help from Hall of Famer Randy Buehler, we manage to take down MaGo.
Okay, his stunted mana development helped some.
8-4 on the weekend.

Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 11

2009-11-06T15:43:00.001-05:00

Round 11 against Tom LaPille, I force a game three and keep a hand that is great if I draw one of my 14 green sources in two turns.
I do not draw one until turn 10.
I'm now 7 and 4.

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 10

2009-11-06T14:45:00.002-05:00

I complete my sweep of WotC employees named Erik/Eric, and run my record to 7-3.
Eric was running a great Mono-White Wrath/Planeswalker/Ascension deck and locked me game one. Game two I am able to force through damage with the unblockable Bear, and game three he stalls on three land and scoops when I kick a Mold Shambler to take him back to two lands.
Not a pretty way to win, but I'm doing this for the community.

Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 9

2009-11-06T13:58:00.003-05:00

Round 9 has me face off against Lee Sharpe in Unified Standard. Thankfully, he's running Warp World which is a deck that I have had some experience with. The games are not very close and in the second one I manage to remove every threat he presents. Good games, and I'm able to run my record to 6-3. Go go community team!

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 8

2009-11-06T12:47:00.001-05:00

First round of Unified Standard is the Bant Mirror.
Against Mike Turian...again.
So I'm 5-3 now, but still smiling.

Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 7

2009-11-06T09:37:00.002-05:00

So the day ends with a rematch. Aaron Forsythe is dead set on extracting revenge for the defeat he suffered at my hand in round two.
Sure, I can take it to the same fprmer pro twice in one day.
I must be tired, I must be exhausted, I must be bad.
In game one, he goes and tutors for Moat. This is bad because I actually have Aven Mindcensor in hand and just skip my priority, thinking he was just making more tokens with his Sword/Thopter combo. He then gets down a Humility and I rip the Disenchant. Of course, I have no idea what to do. So I call Randy over, and after examining the board position, I take out the Humility. It turns out to be the right play, as eventually I rip and Elspeth and swing over with a flying Soltari Champion that is exactly lethal.
Phew.
Game two he gets a draw that allows him to keep drawing cards thanks to a 5th Dawn Station and Chromatic Star. He cycles Decree of Justice and I am just unable to punch through.
Game three, for all the marbles. I get an aggressive draw and whittle him low on life. However, I blow my Disenchant on a Porphyry Nodes for no reason, even knowing he runs the Grindstone/Servant Combo. It is pointless because I'm holding Stillmoon Cavalier that will not die to the Nodes, and I'm building towards seven Plains for the Sky Ruin, so it can Nodes can never take out my bigger threats. As it stands, he gets the combo and kills me while he is at two life.
No excuses, I knew about the combo and did not think for the long game. I can blame it on being tired, but I should have listened to the voice that said "no."
No excuse, I made a mistake.
But the competition is over for the day. We go to the party which involves wacky drafts and Zendikar 1v1 Sealed. I win some, I lose some, and then I get an EDH game going against Erik and Pete Jahn. Pete manages to win with his Starke deck even after I had an active Citanul Flute. Hopefully, I'll be able to grab some revenge later today.
All things considered, I went 5-2 on the day, getting wins against players who are much better than me (I think), and I am ready to post another positive record today.
Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 7

2009-11-05T20:28:00.002-05:00

Round 6 on the day has me up against Erik Lauer/Matt Tabak with UG Good Stuff. Game one I get trounced after keeping a bad hand and never recover from multiple Acidic Slimes on my only land.
Game two I get the sick curve and there is nothing he can do, even with two Ravenous Baloths in play.
Game three I make a critical mistaker, thinking my 4/4 Figure had flying. It did not. The game drags out and I have my self on Horoki lock down, but I manage to get both Emeria active and a Shadow creature which, with the help of a topdecked Bonesplitter, goes all the way.
5-1 on the day. I can't complain.
Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 6

2009-11-05T19:00:00.002-05:00

So round 5, I am paired against Mike Turian.
A Hall of Famer.
Running Dredge/Reanimator.
In other words, I have no chance, so I just try and have a good time.
I have a blast, with some witty banter and I manage to resolve Armageddon.
Some quotes from during the match:
As Mike casts Entomb, Lee goes: "There's a reason we banned that card."
After the match and shaking hands with Turian, he tells me "I heard you were the draft champion, so I had to take you down."

That's pretty darn cool.
Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 5

2009-11-05T17:51:00.002-05:00

So 100 Card Singleton is underway, and after a scary first game where Chris gets both Sorin and Oona in play to my three lands and not much else, I manage to crack back in two quick games for victory.
Game two he stalls on two land and I 'Geddon with two beaters for on the board for the win. Game three he elects to draw and I punish him for it with a turn one 2/1 Jump Knight thanks to Chrome Mox. I keep his threats off the table, even though he takes two extra turns with Time Walk and Temporal Manipulation. Despite a misplay on my final turn, I seal the match and run my record to 4-0!

Seattle's keeping me in tune, part 4

2009-11-05T16:06:00.002-05:00

At the end of the first event, Community is up 59-58 on the back of my 3-0 draft!

Seattle's keeping me in tune...part 3

2009-11-05T15:02:00.005-05:00

I somehow have managed to 3-0, 6-1 my Zendikar draft, taking out Adam Dixon, Aaron Forsythe, and Mark Rosewater along the way.
Aside from the sleep deprivation, I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
I got the hook-up and had a sick UW aggressive deck. I had triple Steppe Lynx and enough evasion that no one could really keep up. Cards like Windborne Charge helped me win some games and, well, I'm still on a high right now.
My draft was strange, I first picked the Black Ally Hill Giant over a bevy of great Red cards, and then the Black dried up, but the Azorius kept flowing, so I reaped the rewards to 3-0.
Tired, but doing well.
Later dudes,

EDIT: Here is my draft, just make sure you're looking at CC_Spike:

Seattle's keeping me in tune...part 2

2009-11-05T13:47:00.002-05:00

So here I am, two rounds into the event, and I'm 2-0, including a win over Aaron Forsythe. I'm running hot and managed to not get my Mind Sludged, so I consider myself very lucky.
It looks pretty evenly matched as far as decks/skill go, and even though I'm running on minimal sleep and my body is still on East Coast time, but I'm playing well and getting lucky. Good combos on a day like today.
Later dudes,

Seattle's keeping me in tune...

2009-11-05T09:40:00.002-05:00

I guess it hit me when Randy Buehler congratulated me on the work I have done with Pauper...

It's 4:30 am, NYC time on Wednesday, November 4th. The last hour of sleep has been absolutely terrible as I am unable to stay asleep. I somehow manage to be woken up by my alarm (I'm surprised I was able to sleep) and go through the motions of gathering my thing. I start up Obi-Wan and go to scrape the frost from the windows.
My Late Nite UB ice scraper snapped in two. Yet another thing my old supervisor has done to try and screw me over. This does not deter me, however.
Windows mostly clear I start my trek at an unfamiliar hour, driving the roads I have driven so many times at dusk, but now at dawn.
No traffic, not even at the Whitestone.
I find the parking service no problem, and almost instantly I am on a bus to JFK. I sit next to a man with a Kindle. Turns out he is on my flight, but I do not learn this until much later when we're both at the gate and he comments on the book I had just picked up- Neil Gaiman's "American Gods." He tells me I'm in for a great ride.
He has no idea how right he is.
I grab breakfast at 7am NY time, or 4am Seattle time. I go to my gate and ravenously devour my Dunkin' Donuts approximation of breakfast. With time to kill, I end up at a Chili's and order a Coke. The bartender tries to convince me it costs $200, but I'm distracted by the classic "Saved by the Bell" on the TV. You know, the one where they go to the Attic and get caught by Zach's mom with fake IDs. I leave five bucks for my three dollar fountain soda. I'm a sucker for fountain pop, ever since I started bar tending. It has a soul that the canned stuff lacks.
I meander to the bookstore and pick up the aforementioned Gaiman piece and a novel about biker gangs, fed by my love of "Sons of Anarchy."
I board the plane and change my watch to Pacific time. I turn off my electronic devices and begin to work my way through the new mythology at my finger tips.
The time flies almost as fast as we do. I spend the early half of the flight bemoaning the editing done on our in flight movie- the fantastic "500 Days of Summer." Not a dirty film by any stretch of the means, but they censored some pretty tame stuff, by my count.
I keep looking out my window and am amazed by America. I do nothing but gape at the Rockies as we traverse the range.
We land an hour ahead of schedule and 240 pages in. I get to the hotel and grab a bite, and then sleep.
Two hours later I begin getting ready and make arrangements to meet the crew for dinner. I watch the Yankees on their way to their 27th championship and remember the pain of being a Mets fan. 2010 will be our year.
Dinner time. I make my way to the lobby and meet Erik and Thomas (hamtastic and Tweaker). It is surreal. We make our way to dinner thanks to the lovely Wizards staff (Tolena and Marcella) and are soon joined by Adam and Eric. We're informed that one of our team members will not be playing, so Wizards hired a ringer.
Then Hall of Famer Randy Buehler walks over and introduces himself. I thought he was just in the area. Turns out he's the ringer.
I get to play Magic with a legend on my side.
I fight every urge to text all my friends right then and there, but I manage to e-mail one from the bathroom.
He congratulates me on my work on Pauper. I almost die from the smile on my face.
More people join the party-Mike, Walter, and Sam from our team- Chris and Mike from Wizards. Pete's plane is delayed, but he arrives at some unnatural hour.
We eat, we befriend each other in real life, much as we have done online, and of course, we talk about Magic. There's some smack being talked on all sides of the table, and obscene pieces of cake.
But then the night draws to a close and we make our way to the hotel. I watch the coverage and the champagne on the Bombers. My last thoughts before slumber are:
I can't believe I am here
I love this game
The Phillies suck
I cannot wait for tomorrow

I wake at 4am Seattle time, and cannot return to sleep. It does not matter though, as I am refreshed and ready to go.
I love this game.

Later dudes,

I'm going dancing

2009-09-29T21:49:00.003-04:00

So after neglecting this thing, I decided to start treating it right once more.
I've been on a serious music kick recently. Thanks to my compatriots in the Sock Drawer, I've uncovered a whole mess of music that I was missing out on before. This makes me both happy and sad.
It makes me happy because I get to listen to new music and share it with people and this is a good thing. I love music- it is just a wonderful way to express yourself without actually having to express yourself. It's a common language that tells you so much about a person. I have ended more than one date when someone tells me their favorite band is the "Goo Goo Dolls."
No, really, I can be that much of a dick if I want to be.
However, at the same time, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that I did not have this music in my life before. Instead, I spent my time not listening to this awesome stuff. I don't know how I got into music before stuff like Hot Water Music and La Grecia. I mean, how could I have listened to anything else? It's not that I don't like what I listened to then, it's just that now, I like this stuff so much more. And I like to way more than I liked the stuff I listened to in the past.
Anyway, I'm sitting down, getting ready to watch Sons of Anarchy. The show is entertaining and just compelling drama.
Of course, as I type that, they mention the surgery to implant a fake testicle in one of the characters.
Later dudes-

Body movin'

2009-08-25T08:47:00.003-04:00

It's amazing, the human body.
I am not a coffee drinker by any stretch of the means. Sure, in grad school I had four or five cups a week, but overall, I Probably average two cups of the stuff a month, including coffee style drinks. This, in turn leads e to be incredibly sensitive to the stuff. I had a coffee drink at 2:30pm on Sunday, and it was keeping me awake at 11:00pm that night. I did not sleep well, skipped the gym, and had a hard time staying awake at the later hours of work yesterday.
I crashed, woke up, went to the gym.
I feel great.
So much can be done to improve your health with body regulation. Just by changing my diet to include better food and conforming to a body rhythm, I am more energized and just generally feel better.
That being said, I am upset with myself for taking so long to catch on to Hot Water Music. Seriously, just listen to this song.
Later dudes,

It begins anew

2009-08-24T22:02:00.004-04:00

Orientation training week is here. This means I get to work a ton. I love my job.
I say that a lot, but I do love what I do. There is very little as good as waking up in the morning and not dreading the next eight (or twelve) hours of the day. I spoke to an ex briefly today, and when she was talking about her job, I did a silent victory dance- my life at work is great...her job sounds dreadful. So win.
My current string of dates have been interesting. I had two dates with one woman, but sadly, the second did not leave me desperately looking for a third, yet. She's a sweet woman and great and all, but I just did not feel a click, a spark, whatever it is that makes people want to be together.
Another first date...well, that was a train wreck. I did not have any real desire to see her, but wanted to give it a try, just in case something serendipitous happened. It did not. We basically had a "who's camp is better contest?" There was no way I was going to lose to a camp that did not celebrate 4th of July (yes, it is a camp in America).
My friend got engaged, so this is prompting an evaluation of where I am in my life. Things are good, but I'm still searching for that next step.
But whatever, I'm young. I have a doctorate to get. I have an apartment to furnish. And not only that, I am just exhausted, so I'm going to turn in soon.
Before I do, LaGrecia's "On Parallels" might be the best album I have heard in a long time. I cannot get enough. There is such depth and emotion to every nook and cranny in that record that just amazes me on every listen. If you like good music and aggressive, passionate vocals, this is a record for you.
Later dudes,

Oh, There's Legwork

2009-08-17T21:55:00.003-04:00

The students are coming back. This is daunting. I've been here for almost a year and I'm just now feeling that year and the job. It's not a bad thing, just a new sensation, and something else I am going to have to get used to feeling.
I've tried working in a new way with Magic, trying to fully explore an idea before moving eagerly to the next one. This will hopefully allow me to see things with clarity and thoughtfulness and help me to improve my game.
It's annoying because I had a great subject today, and I totally forgot what i wanted to talk about. It was a story from my past that is utterly appropriate to my current situation, but I really cannot remember.
I tip toe around my ex a lot, mostly because until relatively recently, I was not really over her. Needless to say, she fucked my head over rather badly. Basically, I cared about her, but at one of the hardest points in my life, she left me hanging. To be fair, I did move away to grad school, but after what I had gone through to be there for her during her rough times, I thought I had earned some slack. Alas, it was not to be. What's annoyed me is that it's taken me three years, almost, to move on. I don't like this. wake up in the morning, and still think I'm 17, and then I think I'm 21, then 23, and then I realize I'm 25 and am damn close to 26. It's scary sometimes. I think of all I have accomplished, and all there is in front of me. I think about how long a year is, and yet how little I've done with my life n the last year...y'know, aside from moving and starting a career and generally starting life as an adult.
Adult. what a weird word. I'm still a kid at heart- I find all the same things funny, except now my knees crack occasionally.
I'm kinda tired, kinda out of it, and just ready to move forward. Hopefully, I'll be able to swing a second date with someone.
Later dudes,

Don't cry

2009-08-03T21:34:00.003-04:00

I love my Mets, I really do. I hate the way some outlets are covering them. But first things first.
Ever since Beltran struck out looking, the Mets have lacked an identity that they can latch on to. They were choke artists, underachievers, but never anything positive. This year, they are being called undermanned and stricken by injuries...but they have never had anything positive to get behind. Now, they're the underdog, but it does not suit them well since they can't really get a winning streak together and sustain the so called underdog magic. I get it, they're banged up but still.
That leads me into my next point: people have called the bench into question constantly. This is bullshit, as the Mets are fielding their bench currently. Tatis and Pagan and Cora would be great bench players, but they've been thrust into a starting role. If these guys were our bench, it'd be pretty darn solid. Alas, not to be this year. Next year guys, next year.
I was playing Chuck Ragan for my friends the other day, and it got us talking about folk punk. I mean, I'm just sick of trying to classify everything I listen to musically. I like general categories, as they can be helpful, but my definition of punk could be drastically different. Example: I told a girl at a party I liked punk. I meant Bouncing Souls and The Lawrence Arms- she meant Good Charlotte.
Anyway, what makes folk punk? Acoustic guitars? Folk structure? I'm not sure, I just know that this was one of the few times I was able to talk about some music with this friend, and we came to the same conclusion: folk rock is good, indie sucks.
Later dudes,

"Don't cry if you've never seen the rain
A thousand ways we've come undone are never quite the same"
Chuck Ragan- Don't Cry

2009-08-02T21:15:00.002-04:00

So my vacation ends in approximately 12 hours, and I'm just happy to be getting back into the swing of things. A few brief updates.
I had a good date...a little longer than some others, but not so long that it became inappropriate. The odd moment was learning her mother's maiden name is my family name. We then spent twenty minutes trying to figure out if we were cousins. Also, we saw The Ugly Truth...I do not recommend the film, as it is highly predictable and rather annoying.
Friday was another day at Head 2 Head for Magic. I was all prepared for Standard but we drafted instead. Good news for me at least. I did pretty well, made some new pals and helped every get their pizza during the evening.
Saturday was driving to camp for Alumni Day. The party was great, the day was rained out more or less. Whatever...it was good times with good people, and I got to drink on a mountain, watching the sunset and miles long freight trains.
One thought ran through my mind over and over again this weekend, as I saw people from my past. Some of them are just finishing school, and are either unemployed or working jobs they hate. Some of them are contemplating the next step and are worried about their future. I realized I am exactly where I want to be.
I have my career, even in the nascent stages, and I'm doing okay for myself financially (although I could always use more scratch). I just...I cannot imagine going back to a time when I would wake up in the morning and not feel happy about the work I was going to be doing that day. Yes, sometimes I'm tired and cranky, and sometimes it is work. Nevertheless, this week has given me a chance to step back and see how truly awesome I have it currently.
This positive streak will not last long, I promise.
Later dudes,

Run Like Hell

2009-07-29T18:01:00.002-04:00

Monday evening I decided to try my hand at some bars. Needless to say, it was an experience. The first bar I went to was one I frequent, but the clientele that evening was a bit older than I was used to, and made socializing hella awkward. Well, scratch that, just regular awkward, because the next bar I went to...that was hella awkward. I had heard about this bar on Craigslist and was excited because I was told it would be an Irish Pub featuring good music on the jukebox. I was expecting a hangout for the good punks of the region. Instead I got the old Irish people. I, being a spry young Jew, did not jive so well. I faked a phone call and left post haste.
The next day I actually decided to do something with myself and drove to the Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk, Connecticut. It is a great aquarium and a wonderful trip.
However, going to an aquarium by yourself in the early afternoon is a great way to feel like a child molester. Seriously, I felt like every one was watching me, getting ready for me to go all pervy on their wards. Hey...not cool random strangers, not cool. Maybe I was getting awkward looks because I was wearing my Bad Sandwich Chronicles T-shirt, which prominently features the face of a man with a mustache. Who knows.
After my time at the aquarium, I wandered around the town and found this nifty little burger joint where I had a decent burger, and a PBR. Mmmm, PBR. Also, this place had really really cute waitresses.
So after driving home, I did nothing until kickball. It was a hard fought game, we were down 3-0, then tied it, then down 6-3, then tied it, and won 7-6. So afterward we head to the bar, where I proceeded to drink Coor's Lite for the first time in about 6 years. Seriously...I was actually tipsy.
Oh, anyway, I shaved my beard. I get bored with them after a while and sometimes decide I need a change. This is part of my overall rebranding as a male. It's all about confidence, and I just don't like the way I've looked with a beard recently, so it had to go away.
Later dudes,

"Your face was smiling as you hit the ground
We're running out of time"
The Flatliners- Run Like Hell

American Steel Dance Party

2009-07-27T16:57:00.006-04:00

Howdy y'all. I meant to update this thing last week, but basically, I was too damn tired. I was finishing up stuff at work in preparation for my vacation and trying to just get my shit together. What it all comes down to is that I was just a lazy boy and did not do anything.
I have been listening to the new American Steel, "Dear Friends and Gentle Hearts," just about nonstop since I picked it up last Tuesday. Holy shit this album is amazing. It is just a nonstop barrage of dance friendly punk rhythms backed up with fantastic lyrics and just gritty enough vocals. The first two tracks are rising quickly on my favorite tracks of the year, and the emotive force behind the vocals just make me smile and just...it's one of those things you can't describe, but just feels good. End of story. Get it, however you can.
So this Saturday was my best friend's girlfriend's birthday party in Brooklyn. After a convincing text, I decided to show up, my sister in tow. You see, my, my friend, my sister, and his sister, all grew up together. So we all ended up there..and I felt out of place. First, knowing your little sister is getting hit on is awkward enough, but then not getting hit on yourself...ego killer.
Also, it was a hipster party, so I felt very out of place. Everyone was just taking random pictures and trying to be clever and ironic, and it was just...awkward. No other word, but awkward. I mean, at one point "Groove is in the Heart" (I only know that song because of my pre-teen obsession with Pop Up Video) came on the stereo...and people were dancing. I'm not sure if it was like, ironic dancing or not, but it creeped me out. Seriously.
And props to my best friend for trying to be a good wingman, telling everyone I had the best job in the world. It did not work, however, more due to my lack of confidence than anything else. Enough self effacing, however.
Friday, before the party, I went gaming at H2H and won the FNM, netting myself four packs and rounded out some draft sets. Also, added to the team, which is a good thing.
Finally, driving back from Brooklyn, I saw a cheesecake delivery truck that featured a young child laying naked on a bearskin rug. WTF...that does not make me think of cheesecake. If it did make me think of cheesecake, I'd have some serious fucking issues.
Later dudes,

AmSteel Dance Party Preview

2009-07-26T22:28:00.002-04:00

I really want to post an entry, but I'm too fucking tired. Expect something soon.

Boom goes the dynamite

2009-07-21T21:36:00.002-04:00

So Big D and the Kids Table released a new album last week, "Fluent in Stroll." I've grown up with this band, more or less, for the past eight years. They were the last band I saw before leaving home for college and have seen them a handful of times since, including one time sharing a beer with the lead singer. I have grown to love their blend of soulful ska and aggressive punk. Their albums always struck me as an interesting balance between the two, but their last effort, "Strictly Rude," struck me as a far more mature and groove based record. The snarling punk licks were still there, but there were far more dance numbers and lyrically driven rhythmic songs focused on intertwining vocal and horn lines. Even so, the ethos and chugging style of punk still existed on the record.
That driving force is hidden so well on FiS, that it might as well be gone.
And the record is phenomenal.
This record takes that ska sound and blends it with blues, rock, and soul, and creates something which is incredibly easy on the ears, yet has a depth of sound that was only hinted at before. Fans wanted them to go in the direction of "LAX"- the band chose "Chicago." Dave McWane has learned how to meld his distinct vocals with the band and wind the two together so that they compliment each other, as they did on "The One" from "Strictly Rude."
The backup singers add another layer to this record, which is already deceptively complex. Of course, this is coming from the perspective of a dedicated punk rock enthusiast, so anything more complex than a 1-5-6-4 major scale progression is going to knock my socks clean off.
That is not to say the record does not have some shortcomings. Sometimes the lead vocals get a bit too jokey, and you really want another lick here or there in certain songs. The Euro accent lady becomes slightly grating after a while, but is tolerable. Also, the record is missing one balls out rocker, and rather focuses on nice, easy danceable rhythms. I would have liked a mosher, but I'll setle for now.
But I think that this record has a lot to offer. The lyrics are simple, yet poignant and smart, the musicianship and orchestration is better than anything Big D has done before, and shows a growth in a direction I was not expecting. On top of everything else, it is an incredibly fun listen that I can see enjoying as I sit on a porch with friends, knocking back whiskey and beer.
Later dudes,

"Daylight's for recover
Walking home's a misery"
Big D and the Kids Table - A Kiss A Week

Up and down the river

2009-07-19T22:08:00.002-04:00

What a weekend! But I'll get to that in a second.
I just noticed I had 20 posts in June. I think that's pretty cool. Looks like I'm getting back into a groove...maybe...probably not...I like ellipses.
But yeah, the weekend. Well, it started with a day off on Friday. I took myself to lunch at Applebee's and thought the waitress was flirting with me, thanks to the fact she had an Autobot watch. Yeah, I can't read women for the life of me, but it was a nice lunch. I then went to Barnes and Noble and lo and behold, they had the new paperbacks of Iron Fist and Moon Knight. This was total joy, as I devoured those books in enough time to pack and pick up my friend from the train station. Let me tell you, I still love these arcs and I cannot wait for them to put out the next batch in paperbacks. There's something about a wise-cracking martial artist who fights against the forces of mythology and a schizophrenic man who wants to be a hero and control his murderous impulses...well...just joy.
So I picked up my friend from the train station and we drove the two hours to the campsite. It was fine, except for the pouring rain for about forty minutes, and well, was not exactly a fun drive.
Of course, the conversation was also pretty bad. We both play Magic, but he's very much a first level thinker, and very much set in his rut and thought process, so talking with him was like smacking my nuts in a drawer. Other conversations I had with this friend over the weekend:
1) Why he felt dog fighting should be legal. He believes that some dogs really want to fight and should be allowed to do so. Even if they have been bred and taught and drugged to fight, they still "want to" willingly.
2) Why he felt there was too much aid for attending college. Considering my line of work, I actually told him he had his head up his ass right before dropping him off for his train ride home.
Back to camping. It was awesome. Sure, the first hour was soaking wet and I barely slept in my tent, but it was so relaxing. I had a few beers, got fucked up, and just generally enjoyed sleeping out in nature.
The next day, well, was interesting. I had a bad reaction to something and ended up throwing up about 40 minutes into rafting. Speaking of that, we got started incredibly late, which turned into a positive since one of our friends got a late start and ended up showing up right as we were getting ready to get on the river.
We went down the river incredibly quickly, so fast that we actually got there earlier than we had in any year, and left later than ever before.
Of course, some of us drove back to camp to go out to dinner, but I didn't realize how tired and hungry I had become. By the time our dinner came, I was so hungry everything I ate made me feel like I was going to throw up. I drove back, barely able to keep my eyes open, and by the time I saw a hotel to crash I was ten miles from home. I got here and just crashed, and about halfway through Sunday finally felt back to normal. Now I'm in bed, getting ready to pass out and face the week.
All in all, a good weekend, I just wish I had not gotten sick so I could have enjoyed the rafting a little bit more.
Also, I would have liked to have worn a touch more sunblock, as I'm tender in a few spots, but nothing major.
Well, I think that's all for now. Later dudes,

Crappy movies for the win

2009-07-15T21:51:00.003-04:00

So as I write this, I'm sitting in bed catching the end of the first Transporter movie. Since my DVD player went kaput, I haven't indulged my love of all things Jason Statham in quite some time, and watching it on tv is quite nice. Statham just kicks ass in this move, and there is no second guessing him. I mean, he uses his legs to throw a guy out of a moving truck, while he's hanging off the roof. Total kick ass.
Work has been good recently. I have spent a significant amount of time cleaning my office and making my workspace more conducive to the work I want to be doing. This is a big plus, as the year is about to kick into gear and I want to have some good flow.
So, nerds and girls. the ultimate dilemma. Right now I'm dealing with two very different nerd-female relations issues.
First, is the former crush. This is when the nerd still talks to someone he/she had a crush on, normally because of stuff going on in the ex-crushes life. You see, the nerd usually has little to complain about (well, little of consequence to complain about anyway) and so when the ex-crush (or ex-partner, or whatever) lays on the sob story, the nerd can't help by listen, no matter what the feelings may be.
Now, this is done for two reasons. Sometimes, the nerd just genuinely feels bad, but most of the time, it's for schadenfreude. The nerd takes sick joy in seeing those who scorned him/her (real or imagined) have issues with aspects of life. This was the case whenever I would speak to my ex. Her life seemed to be stagnating, whereas mine was going up. This made me smile, as dick as that may be.
The other nerd to female relations issue I am dealing with currently is trying to analyze my situation. As I have written, I've been single (without a serious girlfriend) for nearly three years. After recently having a string of unsuccessful (read: no second) dates and getting stood up, I've done what every nerd does: analyze the situation. I have been trying to figure out what I am doing wrong so I can correct the "mistake" and just move forward in social life issues. Fact is, there's a good chance I am doing nothing wrong and I just need to be patient. Of course, this is logical, and nerds are only logical when it comes to things that do not matter, like why Optimus Prime could kick He-Man's ass.
1) Laser sword
2) Matrix of Leadership
3) Optimus isn't wearing a banana hammock

See what I mean?
Later dudes,

One Day I'll Never

2009-07-14T22:20:00.002-04:00

Ugh, this was supposed to be my return to form with mentions of delicious food and a review of the new Big D and the Kids Table (it's awesome).
Instead, I have a headache and will be passing out shortly, but I wanted to talk about the kickball game we had tonight. We won (finally) after establishing a strategy that seemed to work against us last week. Basically, you bunt the ball as best as you can and run your ass down to first base and let your big guns knock in runs with bombs.
I went 2 for 4 with 2 runs scored and an RBI today. Big win for me.
We won 16-4. I am stoked for next week.
I feel much better than last week, seeing as how I was in a funky anyway, and got back on the right track today.
Totally excited for camping and rafting this weekend. I cannot wait for the annual adventure. I'm bringing the PBR, and it's awesome, no matter what my friends say.

Also, you should listen to the Cobra Skulls. They are the the real deal.

"One day I'll be able to live for today
And I won't be affected by the shit they say
But if I never get there
I don't care if I never get there."
Cobra Skulls - One Day I'll Never

Someday I Suppose

2009-07-12T22:17:00.002-04:00

What a fucking week. Let's take it one step at a time:
1) My car decided to die while the boss and I were out at lunch. I took it in, got some stuff done, but it was still have problems starting. This means that I have to take it in again to have, potentially, more work done which could make the costs rise into the thousand dollar mark. Oh yeah, that would totally suck. However, I need Obi-Wan to be in tip-top shape, and it's not like I'm broke, so that's a good thing.
2) Rafting is next week, preceded by camping. I am very excited . I just hope I don't make an ass out of myself this time, but I probably will...multiple times.
3) I tried a new recipe this evening- Chorizo Latkes. If i didn't burn them, they would have been awesome. Next time...next time.
4) I got stood up on a date. I am going to take some time to vent and explore. Ever since I was dumped, I've been having problems connecting with women and haven't really liked anyone since I was dumped. Instead, I have brief infatuations that inevitably end, almost always by my hand. It's not that they are bad people, but I just stop being interested. These past three dates have gone to show that I can go on dates with nice women, and may want a second date, but one is convinced I gave her the flu, the other is looking for marriage, and the third, well, stood me up.
I don't even remember where I was going, but basically I'm just trying to find my way in the world, and hope to one day, just find someone.
Sometimes I wish I had more money so I could afford therapy and talk to someone about this, but despite what my family thinks, I can't really afford it right now.
Oh lord, I'm whining again. Sorry, I guess I just had one of those weeks. Sorry to dump this on you.
Later,

Ugh

2009-07-07T21:58:00.002-04:00

Feeling gross.
Nasty cold.
Lost kickball 10-0.
This cold is kicking my ass.
New Big D is pretty fucking rad.
Mu body hurts.
Need to become a better writer.
Need to let go of some things I hold on to in Magic to become better.
New Cobra Skulls is sweet.
I need to recharge.
Later dudes,

And what if I get lost?

2009-07-04T11:06:00.003-04:00

Welcome to post number 200! Are you as excited as I am? I'm very excited...so excited I need to change my shorts.
So last night was a whirlwind evening. It started with a drive down to Brooklyn to make camp at my parent's place. Whenever I have to spend some seriously time in Brooklyn, I make camp in the guest room/sister's closet/sister's old room for the duration. Since I had a date yesterday and one today in the Kings County, I decided to pack a bag for the weekend and move home for thirty six hours.
Oh yes, the date. Well, it was not the worst date I have ever had, but far from the best. When the subject of marriage comes up, on her end, well, it was not a good sign. She asked what I wanted out of relationship and I was honest, said looking for something serious that may develop, but not looking for that terminal relationship right now.
She, on the other hand, wants her next relationship to end in marriage.
She also came across as highly competitive and is a perfectionist. My problem with that is that it goes against my ethos of learning from mistakes.
Well, it ended, and I am not certain if I'm going to call her again.
Regardless, last night the Andrea Doria played in Manhattan and were awesome. I feel bad for these guys, as they have some serious ability and stage presence and are awesome guys, and it sucks that they played to three people, including myself. But seriously, check them out: myspace.com/theandreadoriaband . They are doing a cross country tour and are good guys...buy their merch.
Okay, that's all for now. I have another date lined up for a little bit and I need to get ready.
Happy 4th, later dudes

"I know you want a lover for the rest of your life
But man, this woman her intentions ain't right"
Big D and the Kids Table- The One

Some say it's a blackhole

2009-07-02T21:54:00.003-04:00

So, I guess it's time for a real update.
I'm finally totally out from under my family. I switched over my cell phone plan today and now am totally self sufficient, money wise. It is definitely a weird feeling. I mean, yes, I've been on my own since September, but this is it. It's a weird and liberating feeling.
I now have a Blackberry, and while cool, it is going to take some getting used to. I mean, I like it and all, but I feel like I just upgraded phones, rather than got a personal pocket computer. Time will tell.
So, the Mets. I mean, I love them, but I really cannot get a read on this team. Are they the scrappy never say die underdogs or the injury plagued fill ins waiting for the stars to align? Every day it's a different team and I just do not know. Trying to figure this team out is almost as frustrating as watching them play.

I still love them.

Mark's band, The Andrea Doria, are playing in the city tomorrow, and this just happens to coincide with Mark's birthday. This means drinking, and quite a bit of it. I am excited. I like the guys in the band and they have crashed at my place a few times.

More news: I have some dates lined up. Ever since I changed my jDate photo to something more mature and clean cut, I find the ladies slightly more receptive to me. Holler. So yeah, I have some dates lined up, and I am sure to let everyone who reads this know how they end up.
I hope it does not make me a scum bag for having first dates with a few different people in a row. I don't think so, since I'm just trying to feel my way around the dating scene. I guess I'm making up for lost time.
Later dudes,

"Day to day, night to night, that's how we live and we're alright
Time's better lived in shorter lengths of time, paycheck to dollar night"
The Copyrights- Kids of the Blackhole

Interesting fact

2009-07-02T10:37:00.000-04:00

I found this out at kickball: If you are ever in Parump, Nevada, the best place to get a burger is the local whorehouse.

Riding on a dolphin, doing flips

2009-07-01T22:03:00.002-04:00

So Orientation is over. I love my job. I was driving around in my golf cart all weekend just awed at how much fun I was having. Of course after it was all said and done I crashed hard. I took Tuesday off and saw the Hangover and got a haircut. Kickball was supposed to start, but got rained out. I still got to meet my team and have a beer, so it was all good. I am looking forward to playing in the future.

Interesting moment is finding your student's youtube station, and being horrified.

This weekend should prove interesting. I have a couple of dates lined up, finally getting to play the field a little bit. I'm not trying to whore it up or anything, but rather just taking advantage of the ability to see multiple people and not spread VD around.

I'm honestly still wiped from this past weekend. I'll write more another time.
Later dudes,

Eyes half shut

2009-06-27T11:35:00.002-04:00

It has been a week. Non-stop Orientation action.
I'll have more stories, but needless to say this one is great: I was moving boxes and some of the female OAs started to joke about my arms/guns (as they called them). Needless to say, I turned bright red. You see, as a 25 year old male, no matter what, if a woman starts talking about my physical appearance, I am going to blush like a baby.
So of course they kept doing it, and I kept blushing.

I'm a winner.

Later dudes,

Fingers Crossed

2009-06-24T22:21:00.003-04:00

In my other life, I am a gamer. I write for a website on Magic the card game. Well, technically I write for the online version and a specific format, but that's neither here nor there. Well, that's another lie, since I was, for a long time, the only writer about this particular format. I have a reputation for being opinionated and making strong declarative statements that sometimes are proved false, and other times become truths. To quote Ron Burgundy... I'm kind of a big deal...at least over there.
So a new writer comes along, and he's just getting started. He makes some statements that are, well, not supported by evidence and I argue him in message boards. He learns, gets better, and comes back with a vastly improved article. I commend him, then continue to critique.

So of course I'm getting slammed for being a soulless, arrogant prick. Apparently I don't understand what he wrote, even after I read it five times (in other words, I'm pretty sure I get it). I lose my cool and call one of the anonymous posters a coward for posting without registering, and the shit hits the fan.

Why do nerds do this? Again, it is that sense of ownership. I am invested in the things I write and take great pride in a community in this format, since it has a strong community of players and I have watched it grow. I feel like I am vested in this thing, and when I speak and am misunderstood, i try to correct myself. I want this to be mine and for people to understand that I know what I am talking about. I want to own this, as a nerd wants owns everything n his or her nerd-o-sphere.
I believe that my comments were warranted and that I was a bit harsh, but still, I don't appreciate people hiding behind the anonymity of the internet to be callow jerks. You see, just like everything else, I want to own what I say. If I say something, I will not deny it and will defend what I say. I mean, it's my word, am I really going to be like "Sorry, no, didn't say anything like that." That's fucking weak.

The ownership of things by nerds is definitely a subject I should examine more. For example, the idea that nerds a re bad with women to an extent. I'm not sure this is the case, it's just that nerds are far more comfortable in their own little world sometimes, surrounded by perceived stigma from the past, that they don't want to venture out for change. Hey, I get it, change is scary and that's just human.
Later dudes.

"It doesn't matter what others say
Even those you call friends
Don't leave it out for another day
This might be your big chance"
Millencolin- Fingers Crossed

It's Mars versus Hollywood

2009-06-23T22:25:00.002-04:00

I know it came out almost a year ago, but seriously, the Dark Knight is just about a perfect comic book movie. It captures the essence of Batman and does not pull punches to put it on screen. Bruce Wayne is all at once the vulnerable human and Batman the impervious symbol that the comics have educated us on for decades. Unlike some other, rather poorly made films, this one does not try to stick to a story perfectly but rather crafts its own narrative around the general concepts that are common threads throughout the series. The first X-Men movie did this very well...Wolverine not so much (as I understand it, seeing as I have yet to see it since my friends basically told me it was not worth my time).
The Dark Knight was also able to capture the conflict that brews at the heart of the best Batman stories, and that is Batman's own methods mirror those of his enemies except he refuses to kill. It does not hurt that Heath Ledger just blows all other villains out of the water with his portrayal of the Joker.
But why am I talking about this? As a Nerd, I value the integrity of Nerd-dom. It hurts so much when something that I, or other Nerds, cherish, is bastardized by other people. These stories made up our childhood and we feel a deep ownership of them. I mean, look at Star Wars. We all know that it sprung from the mind of George Lucas and is technically his, but he gave it to us before and we took it. Now, he wants it back so he can milk some more money out of the thing, and ruin everything we loved about the films. Seriously, before, Vader was hands down the best villain ever. Now, I dunno, since he basically decided to kill everyone over his girlfriend. Seriously- Vader is emo...and not like Sunny Day Real Estate emo...like, Julianna Theory emo.
So when someone takes something that we've loved so intensely and basically said "guess what fuckos, you were wrong about this" we get angry and upset and hurt.

And it's the funniest thing in the world, because it's a movie. Yet nerds everywhere, myself included, are so passionate about those things that shaped our lives that we can't let go. It's like when artists "sell out." Sometimes, yeah, they start sucking hardcore and should be forced to listen to their music on repeat while Celine Dion gyrates for them publicly...but sometimes its still great music, just on a bigger label. Those times from the past aren't gone or any less valuable...we just see them in a different light now.

And this comes back to movies. Transformers was such a great part of my youth- I had the toys and loved the show. When the movie came out I loved it, and really hope the sequel lives up to the first one. But you know what? I still had a problem with the first one.
Not enough robots fighting.
Like I said, nerds like things to stay the way they remember them.
Later dudes.

"You're so over it
And I can't stand it"
The Copyrights- Over It

Less talking, more kicking

2009-06-22T22:03:00.002-04:00

So I've been asked to be a bigger nerd on this thing. No, seriously. You see, I've become part of a subculture of internet mavens who follow the blog of a punk rock singer/savant that we all follow, not just because we like the music, but because he has some damn good stories and entertaining prose.
So, nerdy, eh? Well, the title of this post comes from the recent run of The Immortal Iron Fist. I've grown fond of graphic novels as of late, in the wake of Watchmen (I'll get to that shortly), and Iron Fist is one I can't wait to get a hold of in softcover editions.
The story follows a wealthy young man who inherits the mantle of Iron Fist, a martial arts expert defender of a mythical city. He basically fights against other defenders and the forces that keep the hidden world hidden. He's also fighting against his history and the fate that all those who were Iron Fist's before him have ceased to be so at the age of 33. Guess how old our protagonist just turned?
Regardless, the art in these volumes is top notch, blending gritty action with marital arts crispness. It evokes a real underdog superhero story with wonderful wit- our lead, Danny Rand- utters some of the most memorable lines I have seen in the past year. The title, though, comes from his predecessor before a large battle against the forces of evil. I seriously recommend this run as it blends sharp wit with a flurry of fists.
But about Watchmen... The book is absolutely amazing. It is everything you want in a great novel- it questions the human condition in an interesting way and from multiple view points. We see existence from the vantage of the totally human to the depraved sociopath to the utterly insane and the transcendent. Really, you have to read this book as it is just...great. The art, however, sends the text over the edge. The imagery is unique and provides so much insight into the text that the two are inexorably linked forever.
But the movie just sucked. I do not want to go into all the reasons, but the main one, for me, is this: it tried to be a superhero movie.
Now, all superhero movies are about the human condition, but about how the superheroes reconcile their alter egos with their humanity. One of the nice thing about the novel is that it forced us to look at the inverse- these heroes are forced to abandon their adventuring aspects and have to reconcile their humanity with this aspect of the world. The problem is that the movie did not get this and tried to be a superhero movie- it took out the examination of the human condition, but left in the giant blue dick.
Well, that's all I really have to say about that for now. Watchmen is a fantastic book and the movie tried so hard, but it just missed on the big screen. When you're retelling a story, keep the point in tact.
Later dudes.

A scientist, a golden age

2009-06-22T13:35:00.003-04:00

Afternoon blogging? Is this anything like Afternoon Delight?
Since I'm not getting any, the answer is a depressing "no."
Yesterday I was feeling down, today I am feeling significantly better. For me, work is my escape and cure all. I know that's not necessarily healthy, but it's the truth for me right now. So as much as I bitch and moan about the upcoming long days, deep down I'm excited and stoked.

However, I apparently will be forced to dance at some point. This is big frowns.

"We didn't need it/It just killed what we loved anyway"
The Riot Before- You Can't Sexy Dance to Punk Rock

What a cluster

2009-06-21T22:04:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I was feeling down. It happens, I try to move past it, but it happens. Aside from a pair of short lived periods spent dating the same woman for a few months, I have been remarkably single for well over two years. This has left me feeling isolated and lonely at times. Saturday was one of those times, and the fact that Philly canceled on me just exacerbated my feelings of being alone. Like I said, shit happens- I treated myself to a cheeseburger to try and cheer me up.
Only problem was it gave me indigestion, ruining my sleep. It made me a grumpy asshole for my drive down to Father's Day. On the plus side, Dad loved my gift of Ballentine Ale, since he never goes into the bodegas that carry the brew he loves so.
Anyway, all was going well until we piled into my car (Obi-Wan) to travel to Coney Island for a Cyclones game.
Parking was a disaster and took forever. Seriously, what the fuck? I know NYC is trying to Green itself up, but give us a real fucking parking lot.
Oh, wait, there was one, but a traffic cop decided to direct us to another lot that we bypassed for street parking.
So we get in and sit down, all of us pissed off. And then, as if on cue, it starts fucking pouring. Not like, a little bit, but enough to turn umbrellas inside out. Needless to say, we were all quite sour, and by the time we left the rain was tapering off. I drove us back and changed into hand me downs I gave to Dad years ago for a dryer ride home.
So now I'm here, ready to give my life over to Orientation for the next ten days, and hope I come out better for the trial of this week. I am exhausted and ready to crash to get ready for this week.
I wish I had something more interesting to write, but alas, I am a boring lonely fuck.
Later dudes.

No title today!

2009-06-19T08:44:00.002-04:00

Well, at least for now anyway. Yesterday was really weird. I made a small gaff at work but recovered to be my typically awesome self, and I'm overjoyed at the prospect of driving a van today to pick up $500 worth of junk food.

Part of my job is to spend $500 on junk food. Seriously.

Last night though, I was just wasted. Not drunk, just knackered, wiped out, whatever you want to call it. I got home a little after five and by 8:00pm I was crawling into bed. I barely had the energy to sit upright, but couldn't fall asleep. Thank goodness for the USA Network, which kept me distracted from K-Rod's implosion (it's okay, it's only one blown save, and we're still in the running). Anyway, this mindless character driven television helped me pass out with ease.
Except, of course, my dreams were fucked again. Only in my dreams can I get up the nerve to ask a girl out, and then somehow forget to copy down her information, thus ruining any chance of a date...in my dreams.
Later dudes, off to work!

"This is not a case of lost ambition
Never had any to speak of so it can't be missing"
The Copyrights- Out of Ideas

Parting Glass

2009-06-17T22:02:00.002-04:00

Okay, another blog post from bed. Today was exhausting, seeing as it started with me trying to flush water from my eye. You see, I come home from the gym and get ready to make breakfast and I see one of my drinking glasses has cracked. I go to pick it up and it shatters...in my face. I panic and start trying to flush whatever glass had gotten into my eyes out. I call Mom and panic, I go to work and panic, and finally go to the doctor (rather, Urgent Care Facility). They perform the test to check my eyes which involves numbing my eyeballs. Now, let me tell you something- you may not know you feel with your eyes, but you sure do after they become numb. It's like your seeing straight out of your skull.
Needless to say, my eyes are fine.
So my day is kinda stilted, and I get back to find out that my date has been canceled. I honestly don't feel like trying to find out why and defriend her on facebook and erase her from my phone. Of course I get a text from her later asking about the facebook snuff, but I don't care.
Honestly, nice person, but I just do not feel like pursuing this too strongly since it is in another city and I was going on the date to get to know the person.
I'm a tool, that is all, later dudes.

"And if they offered a test: 'Have I Been A Good Friend?'
I'd put money down that you'd surely flunk."
Alkaline Trio- "Jaked on Green Beers

The quick and the undead

2009-06-16T22:05:00.002-04:00

I'm not really full of things to say tonight, but here it goes.
I'm trying to rest up as orientation is fast approaching, so I have to save all the energy I can so I do not crash over the next ten days.
I am incredibly excited for my date on Saturday, but really do not want to drive to two hours. Oh well, sacrifices must be made.
The Mets...please pull it together. We easily could have gone 5-1 against the Phils and Yanks, but we didn't...because we suck (there I go, using the fan We).
I made tacos from scratch tonight- no mix. Best tacos I've ever had in house.
I don't know why I wasted such an awesome title on such a lame post. Later dudes.

Advertising Fail

2009-06-15T17:57:00.001-04:00

Dear Mexico,
The fact that your country had a well received reaction to Swine Flu does not mean you should use this fact in your tourism commercials.

-Alex

Boys will be boys

2009-06-14T22:18:00.005-04:00

What a weekend. It all started in Irvington at the Friday Night Magic. I got there early after taking a half day at work to trade in some cards so I could have a deck to compete with that evening. I ended up brewing up a budget Black Red Zombie deck and went 3-1, netting myself 4 packs to round out my three draft sets. I'm loving this little gamer community and find myself slotting in nicely.
I spoke to Philly a bunch this weekend, and am looking forward to our date, for lack of a better term, next Saturday. I am not, however, looking forward to the two hour drive, each way.
Anyway, Phil came up this weekend. Phil is one of my best friends from college and we used to play in a band together, but we have not hung out in over half a year. He came up for a night of good times and good music. He arrived late, dealing with the left over BS of his former band. See, Phil was the bank- the only person making good income so the big purchases, aka the van, came out of his pocket. The band is now trying to see if it can sell the van, and move it around the former member's houses for storage. And all this took longer than expected, so Phil came up and we immediately went shopping for dinner food. Dinner was broiled turkey burgers with smokey spice, roasted onions and peppers, bound together with panko breadcrumbs and chipotle chedder. This was served on a hearty roll on a bed of spinach and onion slaw and topped with bleu cheese crumble. Served with a side of Pabst.
We hit the bars and consumed our booze, laughing at the popped collars and Affliction tees until I ran into a student and we had to leave the bar. We hit up another bar then pizza where there was a very loud singing effeminate man in high waters and dreads. Needless to say, we made it home laughing as I came up with an idea for a charity "Hand Jobs Across America" (it'd go guy-guy-girl-guy-guy-girl, etc.). We made it home, and he crashed on my couch, me in my bed. I dreamed I was thirsty and decapitating my old enemies, and woke up seven hours later to go get brunch.
The rest of the day was spent getting groceries and doing and absurd amount of laundry. And now I'm in bed, after working on two Pauper decks and writing this blog, just about ready to pass out.
Later dudes-

The Menzingers- "They Speak of my Drinking, but Never of my Thirst"

Plus and Minus

2009-06-12T23:03:00.002-04:00

Congratulations to my sister on getting into the Columbia Pre-Med Post Bachelor's Program.

But seriously, what the fuck Mets?

My MASH Unit Mets

2009-06-12T08:50:00.002-04:00

Seriously, I'm just not even going to worry about the Mets until after the All Star Break. The number of injuries our team has endured thus far borders on comical and we are all kidding ourselves as fans if we think the team can compete as is or with making a few, obviously bad, moves at the trade deadline. Sit tight and wait, and then wait some more for next year, perhaps.

"Scrape up the stone to know it’ll be alright
If you don’t know where you’re gonna sleep tonight
But you know, it’s all within your reach
Go outside, lay your heart on the street
If only I could practice what I preach"
The Copyrights- "Second Hearse, Same as the First"

A kick in the ball

2009-06-11T20:47:00.002-04:00

So this is really happening...in a few short weeks I will be playing on a team in an amateur kickball league. I can't tell if this makes me incredibly awesome or incredibly creepy...perhaps creepily awesome.
I love baseball, and ESPN's baseball tonight. The show is smart, funny, and insightful, and covers the best damn sport on Earth. However, I can't stand John Kruk. Now, 95% of the time he's a fine analyst, lending his experience as a solid hitter and long time player to the program and doing a bang up job. However ,when talking about the Phillies, his former team, he always down plays how poorly they are playing and uses softer words (unless the mistakes are so egregious he has not note them). When talking about the Mets, if they play anything less than perfect baseball he calls them out as if they are an insult to the game. I mean, I know that there was a rivalry there when you were a player, but please leave that behind now that you're in the booth. A few notes:
1) I fully acknowledge that Kruk could kick my ass easily.
2) I am sure I only notice this because I am a Mets fan and pay more attention to the show whenever they are on.
3) In all other aspects I find Kruk to be a fine analyst. In fact, it is his battle with testicular cancer that has made me comfortable taking the proper precautions to preventing the disease in myself, since I am at risk. Basically, I use it as an excuse to feel around down there more often.
Now that Lost is off the air for the season (seriously, I hate that show but have to watch every episode because I need my fucking answers), Thursday has become my cheesy TV night. Burn Notice and the new Royal Pains are my opiate of choice, allowing me a relief from my day in humorous action, neurotic doctors, and Bruce Campbell. Everything is better with the Chin!
Phil is coming up this weekend for burgers, beer, and bonanza (I needed a word that began with B). It should be a good time, recounting days of yore, getting smashed, and talking about the finer points of college, like the multiple times he saw me naked. Not on purpose, but things happen.
Later dudes,

"Cause my friends are fucking awesome
And we keep on doing our best
Even though our lives are a mess"
Big D and the Kids Table- "LAX"

Everchanging

2009-06-10T22:47:00.005-04:00

So Magic announced a huge change to the rules. I am not sure how I feel about this. I will want to wait until I play a few games with the new rules and cards before I say yay or nay, but I honestly feel like it'll be okay an I'll keep playing (as if the latter was ever a question). basically, combat got "more intuitive" to their focus groups, but makes less sense to everyone else playing the game. I can't travel back to my days of learning the game to see if these rules would have been easier to grasp, but I don't think they would be.
I still love the game.
American Steel posted a new song which is just, absolutely fucking perfect. Check it out at myspace.com/amsteel. I mean, really...this guys just kick so much ass and play music with such raw emotion that shine through in their lyrics and tone; it gets me every damn time. Seriously, if you like punk rock even a little, check out this band.
I feel bad for my pal, who shall remain nameless, but posts here from time to time. She's having a rough time of it, dealing with a terrible work situation. I wish she could quit, but in this economy, I know it's a bad idea to do anything drastic. She's doing all she can, and I know her situation will get better, but I am hoping for sooner rather than later.
So Philly (code name people, code name) called me today. I am still awed by this, and I find it incredibly endearing, mostly because the girl I dated for almost a year only called me if A) something was going wrong, like she was bleeding to death or B) she was returning my call. So yeah, getting calls from a woman who I haven't even been a date with yet...nice change of pace and ego boost.
I also got the information about the kickball league today and talked to my co-worker about signing up with me, which would be sweet.
Okay, that's all for now, later dudes.

"We only need a song to dance to
We only need a chorus to sing along to
Pabst tall boys and all of our friends
And everything will be alright
If only for tonight, if only for tonight
Drink and dance and sing along
Cause everything will be alright
If only for tonight"
-American Steel- "Emergency House Party"

Spoon out your eyes and...

2009-06-09T21:00:00.002-04:00

I'm taking a week off from the gym. My body has basically told me to sleep more than usual, so I've pushed back my wake up time by over an hour this week to give my body the time it needs to recover from this past year. That being said I'm an antsy fucker and want to get back into the gym. And this is boring, I know...but it is my blog and I want you all to know I am a sleepy fucker this week and have altered my plans based upon that fact.
Oh, I have a new follower...which is scary, since I've never actually met the dude. Hi guy! We both post on the Sock Drawer, aka the fan boards for Brendan Kelly's blog the Bad Sandwich Chronicles, which is far and away the funniest shit I've read in a while. If you like breathing, read that blog. If you like being compared to the results of male masturbation, sign up for the fan forums. It's like a circle jerk...but with ladies!
So now I'm sitting here, watching the Mets play the Phillies (and right now they're winning, yay!) listening to the Dopamines drinking a Blue Moon seasonal brew. I'm trying to think back a year, to when I was still technically living in Buffalo and job hunting. Right around this time I was driving home for my cousin's wedding and interview at a school in Poughkeepsie, NY. I was miserable...well, close to it. Now, though, so much has changed. Life is good, and I just need to get out there and meet people. This, of curse, is leading me to sign up for a honest and true kickball league, playing kickball against other grown people in the sport of PE classes everywhere. I am stoked. Hopefully they will encourage me to wear headbands, short-shorts, and Keds...just like grade school.
I think I have a date set up in Philadelphia in just over a week. I'm not sure how this happened...okay, yes I am sure. I used jDate. This is all well and good, but I need to head back out there, you know, and be a person, not just a digital image.
I've actually gone out and done a ton of stuff in social settings. In addition to the kickball thing, I've started going to brunch and am seriously considering becoming a beach bum. I do wish cabs here were cheaper, seeing as how it costs 15 bucks each way for a ride to the bars (and it's only 4 miles- the joys of living on a college campus with students who go six to a cab), I end up driving myself out there a bunch...which in the end isn't a bad thing, since I don't get too sloshed. However, sometimes I want to get sloshed. This weekend might be one of those times, since I have friends visiting, which means someone to split cab fare with. We'll see.

I don't need blood stains on my hands to make me feel like I'm a man

2009-06-07T21:48:00.002-04:00

What a weekend. I am exhausted, and I did not do all that much.
Friday I played some Magic and drafted rather well, going 3-1 and placing second, hopefully making some new gaming pals in the process. I was all set to go drinking after, but I was beat, so I came home to sleep...
And ended up talking to a woman on the phone for an hour from 2am to 3am, leaving me thoroughly exhausted for my Saturday. Now, normally, I would have liked to sleep in. However, thanks to the Sunday event that would be taking place not fifteen feet from my bed room window, I was jolted awake at the ripe old hour of 8am to people setting up tents and port-o-potties. That's right- you're shit woke me up.
So I did my grocery shopping and went to a Starbucks to finish working on an article, where I randomly accidentally farted on some people. I didn't mean to- I was sitting down and it just sort of happened. Thankfully...well, they noticed, but it was funny anyway.
I ended my Saturday by going to a bar and waltzed right into the middle of some fucked up birthday party. I left when a double chinned, orange tanned, absurdly breasted (presumably the birthday girl) started dancing and shaking my bar stool and smacking my shoulder with what was either a boob or a well formed pocket of residual vodka that was hibernating under her bust for a later date and time...you know, for emergencies.
Sunday, I walked through the madness of the charity walk (that had woken me up again, after too little sleep), encountering a Stormtrooper and apparently, Bristol Palin, as I attempted to go eat brunch. He mother was, as I was told, on the campus (where I live...joy) for the charity event. So not only was I tired, but I was likely in the presence of ignorance incarnate.

This is really my life.

So I enjoyed my brunch and went out to buy some books. I find myself rereading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? so I picked up another Dick novel. I also bought Closing Time, the so-called sequel to Catch-22. Then, in desperate need of human contact, I went to the beach, found none, and came home to eat dinner and do laundry and watch the Pro Tour online.
I live in the suburbs, and it is difficult for me to get out. Well, not difficult, but drinking in the evening is a pain since the cabs charge extra to come here. This means I end up driving myself and not drinking a lot, which is fine. However, since I live where I work it makes it difficult to really get away, mentally.
I dunno, I'm just ranting. Looks like I am going to be signing up for kickball in a few weeks.