I'm Not Going to Give Up

I'm not going to give up because I can't. 

It's not because I'm stubborn, which I am to an alarming degree. Even when something won't work that doesn't mean I'm not going to do my best to crack the system to try, even to my own detriment.

It's not because I'm not scared, because I am terrified. Being part of multiple marginalized groups will do that to you given the not-so-distant history of the world.

It's not because I believe the people I vote for are going to help because come on - they're feckless. I'm still going to vote because it's one thing I can do (for now) and hope that the new generation of the party has the gumption to get shit done.

I'm not giving up because there's still a future. And it sucks and it's scary and I don't have the words for how absolutely terrified I am to be raising a child in a country that does not value life.

But I do. I value his life and the life of my family, and the life of my friends and honestly just life full stop. And if I give up now...if I just throw up my hands and say - at 38 - that there's nothing I can do...am I really valuing life beyond my own?

I'm not going to give up because I can't and because even if it doesn't happen while I'm alive, I know this is not the end.