Armageddon

It's been a few days...and they have been rough. Something I saw set off old memories, and now I just want to move on. Seriously...I got dumped almost two years ago, I think it's about time I feel "over it."
As Dad says, though, it can take a long time for a young man to get over stuff like that.
It doesn't help that my life has been on pause for the past two years. Alex the Professional is ready to go; what about the man?

Use your nose

So today a woman walks into my office, and she smelled like Jess. I don't mean to sound creepy, but it was the same shampoo or perfume or something. It wasn't a bad smell, but, I mean, the scent just brought back memories I keep trying to separate myself from. My sense memory with scent is very strong, so one whiff can bring back a whole mess of thoughts.
What happened today was especially disconcerting. One second I'm fine and doing work, and the next moment I'm holding back some tears just because the floodgates opened.
I know I'm going to have to get used to these things, but, dammit, I wish they wouldn't.

I might be dying but I'm not dead yet

So this weekend happened.
But it didn't really.
As I'm driving to Eric's to get in his car and go down to Binghamton, he calls to tell me that the crew coming up from the city has been snowed off the roads and therefore would not be coming.
Jess would not be there.
Not that I was excited, but I sang loudly and talked copiously on the four hour drive down. Which, by the way, was awesome. We just rocked out and talked about old times, women and our inability to understand them, and about how awesome the weekend would be.
We get to Binghamton and the first thing out of Eric's mouth is "I fuckin' hate this place." We were home. We see Zack and Moshe right away. We catch up with Hagerbaumer and the Wongn8tor (aka Wong) and are just totally stoked to be at a concert and not have to work.
Once we get to the Events Center, it's a whirlwind of saying hi and catching up. All four production managers were in attendance, so there's an awesome picture out there. We basically bumped into Against Me! and Dave Grohl a few times; I even watched Serj from System of a Down walk in on some dude taking a leak while wearing a top hat. I never thought my college education would give me that experience.
We ate Nirchi's Pizza and were able to get back stage. I saw so many old friends and got to talk to some people about the open Late Nite coordinator position that I am applying for. I saw BSSL still alive and in capable hands (although I'm sure Moshe disagrees and would like to still be in control).
Eric and I went drinking with Wong and ended up at the Rat. No, I don't know why, because that place is a shit hole. Eric and I split from Wong and went to Pepe's for the best awful meatball subs of all time. It was vacation, so I housed on a meatball sub with nacho cheese. My body hates me still, but it was worth it for the total Binghamton experience.
he next day we were up early and on the road hopeful of hitting up the Bedouin Soundclash show in Buffalo that evening. Instead, it was sold out and we went to a bar to watch the end of the Rangers game (except I'm in Buffalo, so I had to pretend not to be happy when they beat the Sabres) where the tender was awesome and played some Flogging Molly. We then hit up another bar but by that time, I was beat. Next thing I know I'm in bed and it's Sunday morning.

I need more weekends like that.

Let me rant and let me ramble

So this weekend is finally here. I'm anxious, nervous, apprehensive, and you get the idea. After nights of wondering what will happen, a few dreams, and a ton of conversation I am on my way to Binghamton. This should prove interesting.
I'm as over Jess as I'm going to be now. Dad put it best (and I'm paraphrasing here): "Men take a long time to get over their exes- well into their life. After a while, you just get used to seeing them around. Doesn't suck any less though."

I wonder what Mom had to say to this.

25%

Twice today I've come across people mentioned the "quarter life crisis."
Please shut-up. This isn't a crisis, it's called growing up. And yeah, sorry to say, it sucks. It's hard because it's supposed to be. If everyone could grow up totally normal and free and easy, do you think therapists would make the money they do? I mean, I've had to take long hard looks at my life and realize that this is not where I thought I would be at 24. Hell, I didn't have a plan for after college. For the longest time my life goal was to go to college and graduate.

I did that.

Oh spit, now what?

This is life, and we're supposed to live it. It's a gift; cherish it. I know a lot of times I've complained about the way my life is going ::cough::lastpost::cough:: but all in all, my life is not that bad. Yes, I'm in a rough patch, but that's because I'm growing up.
I've been in a transition period for two years. I came into graduate school knowing I wasn't going to be staying here and therefore never got settled. Now in a few short months I am going to be uprooting again and going into the work force for my first job. Am I scared? Hell yes. It's part of the reason I still am hung up on my ex- it's not her as much as when she represents. Jess represents a stable time in my life- the last two years of college. I had friends, a girl friend, a job, a support network and a goal. Now, I still have the friends and goal, but my support network has drastically altered and I spend my evenings reciting Law and Order episodes, pining for Mets games and wondering if people read this thing.
So please, stop talking about the quarter life crisis- it's a load of crap. You only grow up if you want to. That explains why I'm still acting like some kid. Damn straight I am.