Armageddon

It's been a few days...and they have been rough. Something I saw set off old memories, and now I just want to move on. Seriously...I got dumped almost two years ago, I think it's about time I feel "over it."
As Dad says, though, it can take a long time for a young man to get over stuff like that.
It doesn't help that my life has been on pause for the past two years. Alex the Professional is ready to go; what about the man?

History of a Boring Town

Am I really ready to move again? I want to start my social life again and start dating, but how likely is it that there will be a social scene for me where I end up working? It's been about a year and a half since I've had anything steady and serious, and I'm looking to settle down once more.
Things are going to be better, I can tell. I catch more glances from women now, but I want to do this right.

Oh well, what the hell.

Connect/Disconnect

It has been a long few days. I finished my Master's level coursework.
I'm done.
How fucking scary is that?
I'm setting up interviews that are going to help determine the rest of my life. The rest of my life? I never knew what I wanted to do after I finished college and now I'm getting ready to be a full fledged adult.
Well...it is me, so I'll just be a kid forever...but still.
It's been days of bad jokes and bad decisions. For the first time in a long time, a cute girl commented on the shirt I was wearing (Bouncing Souls skull and crossbones). We start talking...and I don't ask for the number.
To be fair, she was the cashier at Starbucks, and Trish believes she was jail bait. Still, it was the closest I've had to anything in a while.
What the fuck is up with Lost? I hate that show so much I love it. I really just want one episode to end with me having fewer questions than when the episode started.

Is this really happening? Am I really growing up? I still wake up and think I'm 17.

Hand puppets need to make a comeback.

This is a great song:

Ban the tube top!

This weekend has been rough. The Mets can't win, and I'm facing the vast void of uncertainty that is the rest of my life.
Also, I'm trying to figure out in which direction I should take this blog.
Because I want to be professional, but still opine on the world. For example, I recently went to an event for Jewish students at my school. It was nice and I had a nice time. Except some young women need to learn how to be appropriate. For example, one young woman sitting behind me obviously forgot a belt and did not seem to care that everyone at our table had an excellent view of the "underwear" she was wearing. I mean, is it so hard to ensure that we don't all see what it would look like if your were a plumber in a bad skin flick?
Also, shame goes out to the woman with the thick thighs who decided it would be a good idea to not cross her legs while wearing a short skirt. Now I'm all for a wide variety of body types, but please, be decent. If her legs were skinnier, then some people would have had an interesting show.
Making this all the worse, this was a Shabbat dinner. Not the holiest of days, but still a religious observance. Please, have some class women. Not only that, treat yourself with respect! You are wonderful creations on this Earth, don't demean yourself and your gender with acting like you would at a club during the course of a regular day.
And men, please stop encouraging this behavior. Sex and sexuality is a beautiful thing that should be expressed in certain environs; religious gatherings is not of of these places.

25%

Twice today I've come across people mentioned the "quarter life crisis."
Please shut-up. This isn't a crisis, it's called growing up. And yeah, sorry to say, it sucks. It's hard because it's supposed to be. If everyone could grow up totally normal and free and easy, do you think therapists would make the money they do? I mean, I've had to take long hard looks at my life and realize that this is not where I thought I would be at 24. Hell, I didn't have a plan for after college. For the longest time my life goal was to go to college and graduate.

I did that.

Oh spit, now what?

This is life, and we're supposed to live it. It's a gift; cherish it. I know a lot of times I've complained about the way my life is going ::cough::lastpost::cough:: but all in all, my life is not that bad. Yes, I'm in a rough patch, but that's because I'm growing up.
I've been in a transition period for two years. I came into graduate school knowing I wasn't going to be staying here and therefore never got settled. Now in a few short months I am going to be uprooting again and going into the work force for my first job. Am I scared? Hell yes. It's part of the reason I still am hung up on my ex- it's not her as much as when she represents. Jess represents a stable time in my life- the last two years of college. I had friends, a girl friend, a job, a support network and a goal. Now, I still have the friends and goal, but my support network has drastically altered and I spend my evenings reciting Law and Order episodes, pining for Mets games and wondering if people read this thing.
So please, stop talking about the quarter life crisis- it's a load of crap. You only grow up if you want to. That explains why I'm still acting like some kid. Damn straight I am.

Here's the score

So October 2006, during an already rough patch in my life, I get dumped over the phone. Sucks, I know. We continue to be friends, no matter how bad that always seems to work out in the movies and television. She ends up starting to see one of our mutual friends (who was pissed at me for a variety of reasons, and so we weren't speaking). After they start dating, he agrees to bury the hatchet.
Fast forward a year- I still am looking for a nice girl and haven't been speaking to either of them as much. Life is going okay and I finally do meet a woman, who I end up dumping two months later because she reminded me of me in a bad way.
Fast forward to this week, Eric and I decide to road trip to Binghamton for the Foo Fighters/Against Me! concert. There's another motive here for me, since I am thinking about applying for a job at Bing and a visit could give me an edge. Eric calls our friend who is coordinating while I speak to David, my mentor. As it turns out, Pat, our friend, is road tripping up. In tow will be the ex and our friend/person she may or may not be still dating.
I'm still going, but I'm wondering why life decided to take my vacation and add a side of ajida.

EDIT: Let it be known that these are my feelings on the matter, not necessarily the truth.

What you shouldn't do at the bar

Saturday night I head out with Eric, his roommate and one of their law school friends. We are all in need of a detox style night where we just relax. Relax we did, as Eric an I spent a good portion of the time being immature and making jokes about Oregon State. We have nothing against the school, but being stressed out graduate students, we decided to make dumb jokes centered around the school's mascot and basketball. I won the evening with "That Beaver's fouled out."
Did I mention we are both exhausted students?
So the fourth member of our party strikes up conversation with two women next to us at the bar. After brief conversation, one starts dancing on me. No offense to her, but she wasn't my type. However, I dance back a little, and then Eric whispers something implying a past experience of mine and this woman. I promptly have an attack of the laughs and fall down, seating myself on the foot rest bar and laughing while this random woman stares at me. By the time I make it back to my feet, she asks me, very plainly "You're not a virgin, are you?"
I thought once I left college, that question would stop. Apparently I was wrong. It was if she felt that she was so "hot," that her mere presence was making me uncomfortable. That wasn't the case- I just didn't want to dance with you. Sorry.
However, I thought the fourth member of our party was taken, so I took her hand on my rear as some drunk flirting. Guess who was wrong. I'm not saying it was anything other than being drunk, but sometimes, it's nice to dream.

A problem with being a guy

Sometimes at the gym, you see cute and attractive women. You know you shouldn't stare, and you don't, because that would be just plain old creepy and rude. But then you're on the track, minding your own business, totally focused, and two women start running in front of you. Immediately, to avoid the same creepy rudeness, I have to look in a different direction than the one I was looking so as to avoid this. See, normally I look in a sort of down direction, to make sure I don't trip and fall and bust up my face. However, when a woman is running in front of me, that angle puts my eyes squarely on the butt. The choice is then to be creepy or risk tripping. The risk always wins.
Thankfully, I haven't fallen yet.

I think Eric put it best...

Eric put it best when he said I seem to always date girls who have more than a regular amount of issues. I don't argue, but the task is now to try and fine women who are not issue-laden.

Single Saturdays

A lot has happened over the past few days. From absurd dreams involving high school crushes and key lime flavored yogurt (separate dreams mind you) to studying for the comprehensive exam I have Friday and nearly everything in between (and yes, I mean everything), I am a bundle of exhaustion and energy.
Dougherty got G-Mail finally, so we've been chatting it up during the days. I'm jealous as hell of his job- he works and make money, and gets to see prop guns for use in movies. He's my brother for life, but I miss sharing music with him. He got me into punk and ska, and has since moved to more mature pastures. I, on the other hand, refuse to get old, so it's the same old song and dance (four chords and moshing). I miss the man horribly though.
I wish Buffalo, or at least the area I occupy, was more conducive to the single life. There are no real hot spots to go, per se, and everything seems to be geared towards families, kids, couples, or older people. This leaves single dudes like me home on a Saturday night, since I can't easily go downtown where all the undergrads love to party. Actually, it would be really easy for me to do that, but I don't feel comfortable doing that. Being the only single person in my program makes the social aspect a little off. I'm always ready to go out and paint the town red...or at least beige, and it's hard to find a good wing-person in a group full of people in committed relationships.
But of course, I'm just complaining for the sake of complaining. Life's good, and in a few short months I'll get a job and be off to an entirely new area (or maybe a familiar one).
Side note: does anyone read this? If you do, please let me know.

Give me mercy and a minute now...

I've been introspective and contemplative lately- a deadly combination for the graduate student. On top of my comprehensive exams on January 25th (which I know I will pass, I just hate the anticipation) and the job application process, I am a mess of nerves and knots. My application process goes something like this:
1) Get all dolled up and post my resume on multiple websites
2) Scan said websites for jobs I want
3) Go to conferences to interview
4) Jump through hoops
5) Pray
6) Go back home and bartend if all else fails
In all seriousness, I'm sure I'll get a job, but again, it's the anticipation that is killing me.
On top of that, I keep coming home to an empty apartment. I have a roommate and food and I'm turning this place into a home, but I don't have anyone to come home to and lean on. Since my last serious relationship ended, I haven't been able to really connect with anyone- friend or otherwise. This has caused me to ruin otherwise decent "not as serious" relationships, and left me to deal with all this stress by myself. Like, I don't want someone to dump on, but, and I'm not lying here, it would be nice to come home once in a while, and just have a hug after a long day. The joys of being a bachelor- and one of my own design.
One a side note, everyone should listen to the Gaslight Anthem...they're just awesome:

Starting things off on the right foot

There is something I don't like about social networking websites, specifically, under the music section. It seems a lot of people have decided that in regards to music, they "like it all." What follows is invariably a list of "pop" artists, music that may have at one point been underground and genre'd, but now is little more than top 40 fodder. So next to all, there's always a list of pop-rap, and pop-rock, pop-ska, pop-pop. Invariably, however, there is an exhaustive list of country music. I'm sorry, but when did pop and country become the end all and be all of music? I mean, when you say "all music," I expect to see a little variety. Instead, I tend to see the same list, over and over. Occasionally, I'll see an artist I respect or even like in one of this "all" lists. I sigh a little, thinking that at least some of the time, this individual is listening to good music.
This brings me to a point I am sure I'll revisit numerous times. I listen to punk (and lots of other stuff), which always leaves me a little out of the loop when it comes to music at parties- not too many people are blasting A Wilhelm Scream at their latest shin-dig. I was at a party not too long ago and I was talking to this woman. The topic turned to music, at which point I told her that I liked punk- it was just easier than explaining the different genres I listen to. To my surprise, she said she liked punk too, and asked me what bands I liked. I gave the "safe" answers of Bad Religion, Pennywise, the Bouncing Souls (safe because if I let slip that I have a true love of ska and ska-punk, there would be a strong chance of laughter in my future). I reciprocate the question, and hear the following response:
"Well, the All-American Rejects," at which point my mind shut down.
Elitist? Yes. But really, why is it so hard to find someone who shares your taste in music, and who you'd enjoy hanging out with on a regular basis. I have my old friends, but by virtue of location, don't really get the chance to hang with them that much.
Oh well, what the hell.