Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Life as a male internet dater is rough. I am positive that there are two distinct species of men on dating sites:
1)Dudes who are looking for a series of quick lays
2)Dudes who are actually looking to meet someone meaningful
Nothing in between. And dudes that fall into category one totally ruin it for the guys in category two. Trying to start a conversation with a woman on one of these sites is so hard, because as a guy who claims to fall into the latter bunch, I have to fight through the perception that I am just out there to get laid.
Here are some other things that suck about online dating:
Everyone claims to be a unique free spirit who loves to hang out with friends, go out or stay in, enjoys wine and the same indie bands. Stop it.
It doesn't matter how nice you are, because everyone has the idea that they are going to meet the absolutely right person online, and that if you do not meet their incredibly high standards (which, let's face it, we're online dating, take a chance people), you are not worth their time.
Super-awkward first dates. Both parties are going in mostly cold, and that is incredibly hard on the psyche.
Verbal first impressions are tough. I have been on quite a few dates and on more than one occasion have been told that I am much shorter than they expected. Here's a hint- I put my height in my profile, check it out. While I have never been explicitly dumped for being short, I have had many people stop seeing me and mention the fact that I am short/thin/smaller than they are as an underlying reason. Seriously?
Profile based judgment.
Not specific to online dating, but it seems like the main skills in dating are all designed so you never have to use them again, ideally.
Now part of this is on me as well. I am pretty darn isolated due to work and so I do not have a chance to get out and meet people in a more organic setting, so I am limited to the web. Have I had success? Well, I've been on a lot of dates, but have yet to sustain a relationship. Which is fine, but sometimes, I just want to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Instead, what I see, is a history of hilarity.
So here is my plea: we are dating online because we want to meet someone. Let us give each other chances but be realistic. Treat everyone else with humanity, since we are all human and are engaging in this behavior because we want to fulfill some aspect of the human condition.
But I'm not bitter or anything.