It's Monday. A new week has started. I spent most of yesterday struggling to write an article. I write about the card game Magic and I never realized what a privilege it has been to do so. I do not just mean the fact that I can trade my words for some capital but rather the mindset required to be able to devote time and energy to a hobby.
To something in the grand scheme of thing does not matter.
It was not until yesterday, wracked by guilt and fear, that I realized that not only is it a privilege to write but it is precisely because I am privileged that I have shared my words.
My words have not been those of the oppressed or downtrodden. They were words of enjoyment and diversion. This week I had a hard time focusing on anything as I started to contemplate the next four years in America.
I somehow finished my work, realizing that maybe the article will provide a brief respite for others like me.
My mind has been my greatest impediment these days. I try to focus on tasks but I fear the future. I hate where my mind goes but it always lands on those words:
Has American forgotten?
No; so many never knew.
As my mind is wont to do it wanders. I imagine a time eight years ago where those on the other side of the aisle had just lost an election. I stop myself - thinking of them as the "other side" will not help us move forward, but neither will ignoring their opposition.
What is different about these two times? Is our fear any more real?
This is the problem of focusing on feelings and not facts. Eight years ago a candidate some people did not like was elected but that same candidate did not overtly go after citizens and their way of life.
Today I choked up on the phone, calling organizations imploring them to never forget.
And again, hope. Maybe American won't forget. Maybe this time it will be different and the structure will protect us. It is this hope I cling to. It is with this hope that every day when I ask people "Is it time to leave?" that the answer will forever remain no.