Also, this happened.

It's incredibly hot in my office today. We're talking AC blowing right on me and I'm still sweaty hot. This has to be an OSHA violation...right?

"I'm ready to fucking murder someone"

That was a text I sent to my friend this afternoon. I would never describe myself as laid back- I'm excitable and unable to relax. That being said, I'm not prone to anger. Sure, I get annoyed...but rarely do I feel anger.

What I felt today is the kind of anger that keeps massage therapists in business. Its the vitriol that starts where your shoulders meets your neck and decides that this is a good place to practice knot tying.

Normally, if paperwork is late, I chalk it up to laziness. The people I work with are busy and most of the time, if an item is late, it does not really matter. This time was different. I had been called about the paperwork two weeks ago- paying a foreign national isn't easy, and someone wanted to get a jump on the process. After checking with my boss, I let the person on the other side of the phone know we'd need a budget form before the end of the week. Two weeks ago. I got it today.

And it wasn't that I got it today. It was thrust at me by someone who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, someone in tattered clothes, almost yelling. I got defensive, perhaps in error. I was told I had to take the paperwork. When I explained my side, again, too hastily, the person on the other side of the desk whipped out a cell phone from my college days and called the same person with whom I had the original conversation.

I was defensive, but then my opponent in this battle decided that if he didn't get his way, he was going to hassle the "offending parties" until they listened. That's when the knot built. The rest of the conversation revolved around this man telling me how I was doing my job wrong, that he could do it better, and me saying I would bring his concerns to my supervisor.

But it was the anger that I remember. Not because it was anything special- it was far from righteous and probably justified...but I haven't felt that angry in a long time. There was a time in my life where I would feel it with regularity. The presence of tight shoulders and a pressure that forced me into a super villain stoop was a regular companion of my life. I do not remember when I stopped experiencing it with frequency, but it slowly left my life.

Until today. More than the anger...more than the frustration and the extra work...I hated the anger. It was vile. I was white hot, a super nova, and all over what- someone who was just listening to a superior. Sure, they weren't listening to me...but in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't really matter. Anger is a part of life, and I had to feel it...even if I detested the feeling.

That same friend told me to breathe, and that's what I did. And unlike before...unlike the halls of high school and the familiar taunts of bullies...this time I was able to untie the knot in short order.

I guess that's growth.

Laura Stevenson and the Cans- "Master of Art"

You came with your faith unshaken,
Unabashed oh my darling you're amazing,
With your hands so cold and full of calouses.

Your name was the only word that I hear,
I Cut your hair short so I could see your ears,
And I could know you hear my name, hear my name.

You'll be strong and I'll be sure.

All I could pray for is that you'ld please wait for
Me until I am a Master of Art,
Until I have done everything.

Then I swear we can go away for just as long as you think you could take me,
You should know that I am often difficult

And we'll move to it away,
Won't break our fingers when we wake up
And we'll stay inside a shape,
And we will never ever worry
Never ever worry, yeah. Oh~

Don't tire of,
Don't tire of me yet.

I could lie and say to you that this would soon be over,
I could lie and say I knew, that I'ld be waking up tomorrow.

You came with your faith unshaken,
Unabashed oh my darling you're amazing,
With your hands so cold and full of calouses.

I could lie and say to you that this would soon be over,
I could lie and say I knew, I would be waking up tomorrow,
I could make a shape for us to stay until we have to go away again,
Away is just a little again. Oh~

Iron Chic- "Time Keeps on Slipping into the (Cosmic) Future"

Saw this live. This band rips.



The cycle goes on and on
an endless circle of scaring the shit out of me
as we get strung along
dragged 'til were nothing but cosmic debris
If there's something wrong
then there's something wrong with everything
and what spurs us on
will pull us apart
just trying to find our place
fight our way through a four dimensional space
and our reward for this
is not knowing why we exist
if there's nothing wrong
then there's nothing wrong with anything
and what spurs us on
will pull us apart
If I can ask one thing when I am dead
would you lay me down by the river bed?
let me wash away
let it take me back from where I came
all I am and all I was is just
blood and dirt and bones and mud
and I'm better off that way
I'm better off that way

The Arrivals- "Simple Pleasures In America"

A friend came up to me
And she said “Why’s it always gotta be
Just a sad sad song,
Someone’s falling apart,
It’s always not enough money and too much heart.”
And right away I could see
That’s sometimes how it seemed
And I don’t wanna be a bitch
And I don’t wanna just hate on rich folks
Though that’s
Kind of how we have our fun
Still just for her
This is a positive one

I like the bill of rights and I like to ride my bicycle
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I like to go that extra mile to turn your frown into a smile
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I enjoy speaking my mind
And blaring records late at night
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I just wanna drink some whiskey
And hang with good company
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

For the rest of our lives
We’ll probably work for someone else
So for tonight
We are
HAVING
A
PARTY

Here’s to Montrose beach and Chicago public library
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

I like not having to worry about rationed electricity
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

And access to uncensored news, cheap booze, OH AMERICA!
And everybody get’s their little piece of the pie
Yeah everybody get’s their little piece of the pie

Simple pleasures in
Simple pleasures in America
Simple pleasures
In America