Anger Management

I can be a very angry person.
I have a lot of time and quite a bit of energy over the years in trying to understand why I get angry and upset, why sometimes the littlest things can set me off.
When I was younger, I was just angry all the time. Maybe it was because I was teased and bullied (nothing like the bullying that makes the news today), maybe it was because I was really bad at Using Words to convey how I was actually feeling. Time, energy, and work has made this less of an issue.
Yet sometimes, it still comes out.
It is a monster. It is competitive and surly. It yells and deflects and cries "this is not fair." Worst of all, it hurts people.
I may never fully understand what it is that sets me off and turns me, for all intents and purposes, into a petulant child. What I can do is learn how to channel the energy off, release it out.
So that is something to work on.

Getting into a Co-Worker's Pants

"Do you want my pants?"

I have been at my current job for just under two years. At some point in my first year (sadly, I cannot remember when) a coworker called me and said he needed to speak with me about something. Seeing as how he works in Housing and I work in Student Involvement, I was perplexed. Tuan deals almost exclusively in the operations and housing side of the house and most of my interactions were with the staff who directly interacted with students.

So one day I make my way over to Tuan's office for another item and casually bring up the fact that he wanted to speak with me about something. He said he couldn't talk about it at the moment, but later (when both our supervisors left the room) he sprung it on me.

I had been at this job less than 12 months at this time. My job prior was at a place where no good conversations ever happened in private. Even though I barely knew this man, I was nervous.

My fears were woefully inaccurate.

Tuan goes off on a tale, talking about how he went to get pants shortened and taken in, but the tailors had made them too short. Rather than trash the pants, he wanted to offer them to me, as a member of the Short Svelte Brotherhood. 

I smiled, then chuckled, then basically laughed in his face and told him sure. I was so prepared for something terrible that something as benign and hilarious as pants never entered my mind.

It is nigh impossible for me to find pants that fit. I am 5'4" and weight maybe 120 pounds soaking wet. It most cuts, I am a 27x27, and most pants do not come in sizes below 28, so I have to jump on anything that resembles "fitting." This has led to some awkward choices, and much consternation from the Significant Other.

A few weeks later Tuan brought over a bag with two pairs of Banana Republic khakis, which have sat in my desk ever since.

Until today. The brief downpour this morning soaked the pants I had decided to wear. Rather than trudge through the morning in wet, mud-flecked garb, I decided to finally put on Tuan's pants.

And they fit wonderfully.

More Masked Intruder

I linked this song a while ago, but this version is fantastic.

Ego vs. Confidence

Writing is hard. The writer has to expel some amount of ego and invest it into their words, because if the author does not care, why should the reader? This infusion of ego lends personal confidence to a piece. However, this is a tough line to walk.

In producing Magic content, finding the line between ego and confidence can separate good content from great content. 

People consume Magic content for multiple reasons- they want to get better, a desire for new ideas,  travel tales of the games' top pros. Me? I write about Pauper, a niche format largely played online. No huge prizes and no Pro Tours in exotic locations. 

No guts. No glory. Just Magic.

I write because I care about the format and the community. I have been a part of the Pauper community for the better part of a decade and it is something I understand, so I want to share my passion with the Magic-sphere. When I write, I refuse to submit anything unless I am pleased in what I have produced. My deck may not be the best or my reasoning may not be at the level of Magic's elite, but I can let something go into the aether and be happy with the words. 

To me, this is confidence. I have written something for consumption and therefore is fit to be read (but not necessarily accepted as "good"). I, as an entity, am a minor factor. Do I have some inherent capital from notoriety  Absolutely and I would be crazy to deny this. What I strive against, in my own work, is putting forth an idea, concept, or deck and expecting people to take it as truth because it coming from me. 

There is another producer of Pauper content out there who seems content to expect his work (largely decks) to be consumed and appreciated on his say so. While his ideas may be sound, they are put forth with the concept of "These are my ideas, so they must be good." 

This annoys me because I used to be the same way. When I first started writing Magic articles, I believed that any idea I had was miles away than that of other people playing Pauper, and that to not understand my clear genius was an insult. It was only after time, many loses, and a break from writing that I realized my error.

Writing with Confidence is believing what you have produced is good. Writing with Ego is believing whatever you produce is good enough for consumption.

This is not to say that ego is bad. As I said above, all writers need an ego. An ego required to believe that the writer is good enough to make something worth the reader's time. When it becomes more about the writer than the reader, that is when the scales tip.

Of course writing this is just an expression of my ego, so there is that. 

For the Punks

So I found this on Jaded Punk. It's just about perfect. I don't mean the guys skills, which I mean, clearly pay the bills.
What I mean is how this just encapsulates so much of my youth and even my now. I hear some of these songs and I can immediately pinpoint emotions I was feeling when the album came out. While I haven't been listening to Fat Wreck since the 3rd grade, I still know way too many of these songs.
And even the briefest moments, they make you feel. To me, that's the point of music.

Banquets - "Call It A Comeback"

Been listening to this non-stop at work for the past week. Album is sweet.

Polar Bear Club- "Most Miserable Life"

So for those of you who don't know, I run. I run in Prospect Park, a gorgeous 3.63 mile loop two blocks from my apartment. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I go out more often and have a nice green iPod shuffle to keep me company.
This morning was gorgeous, and as I hit the south end of the park, running east, with the sun in my eyes, this song came on.
When it kicks into high gear, I find it absolutely impossible to not pick up the pace, just a little bit.