Tuesday, December 16, 2008

For a blog named Nerd to the Core, I don't talk about nerd things an awful lot.
So George Lucas basically pillaged everyone's childhood when he released his back story for the Star Wars Trilogy. Instead of leaving everything to our imagination, which he helped to build, he used computers to turn Darth Vader from the baddest motherfucker of all time into someone who cries in his bedroom as Dashboard Confessional plays on loop.
But that's another story...this one is about Stormtroopers. What the fuck happened in the 20 year gap? In the Original awesome movies, these guys could not shoot for shit. They never hit anyone. In the prequels, they were able to take down nearly every freaking Jedi in the galaxy. Old ones, they couldn't hit a farmer with a giant glowing vibrator. What the hell George?
I mean, the Empire was able to acquire the wealth of the galaxy, so training methods didn't decline, and there were more troopers during the Awesome era than during the Shitty one, so the numbers argument is out. No, Georgie not only ruined our childhoods, he also can't keep his stories straight.
I mean, seriously. The fucking shot down Obi-Wan while he was climbing up a cliff...and a legion of them couldn't kill Luke? I call Bull Shit!
If George had done those original movies right (no love story, no Jar-Jar, no midichlorians, less Yoda speak, no Chewbacca, no immaculate conception) they could have been the ultimate nerdgasm. You know, those moments that make nerds everywhere smile and sigh as if everything is right with the world.
The Dark Knight
World War Z
Them getting the Watchmen movie right

No, instead of every nerd world wide being able to experience the same emotions associated with great sex, George Lucas left us with sloppy seconds.

Thanks George for waving your prick through our childhood and getting your herpes stain all over it.

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