Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Faith and Chance

Not everyone deserves an opportunity. It is a fallacy of the current generation that everyone has the inherent right to a chance. I am 5'4" and that is as tall as I will ever be. When I was a child I was shorter (a Small Child, even). I played in one youth basketball season and scored one basket (the only game my dad missed in my hideous Cavalier colored jersey). I had no business playing youth basketball, but my parents forked over hard earned money to give me the chance to do something.
Truth be told, I just wanted to be better than my sister who was/is a jock. Lettered in two sports- basketball and soccer-in high school and currently a tri-athlete. In med-school.
I do not know why Joshua gave me the opportunity he did. At the time I submitted my first article to PureMTGO I was largely a forum troll stumping for Pauper Magic on Magic: Online. My forum posts were largely puff pieces designed me make me seem smarter and better than I actually was. He was an editor on a start up site. I was in a bad place, isolated from all my friends and still finding my footing in grad school. Writing about Magic was my outlet, my way to feel good.
And my early writing was bad.
Not bad as in full of typos and grammatical errors, but bad as in I had a false sense of entitlement. I felt I deserved the chance to write and dammit, people should read the words I spent so much time writing. Josh saw past the bluster and encouraged me to keep writing. All throughout graduate school and for a large portion of the next years he let me write when I felt like it and never demanded me to give him more content. He understood what my strengths were and encouraged them. Slowly, with his help, I toned down the wind and focused on the words.
Then I stopped writing. Work was too hectic. The job hunt was too much. I turned down an offer from another friend and repeatedly denied Josh, encouraging him to find other writers. I couldn't be bothered.
Of course, that all changed when I got a message from Star City Games asking me to join their roster. Suddenly, I was writing again. I don't know if I deserved that chance.
For the past year (and really more of the past two months) I have been focusing on improving my craft. I've also been chatting with Josh again as he documents his grind for QPs. We talk Pauper even though he is not as immersed as I am. Today, I talked to him about my writing. I asked him which pieces of mine he liked and he pointed out one he loved and one he was less fond of. He casually threw this my way at some point:
"But mostly I read you because you're a good writer"
Josh never lost faith in me, even though over the past 6 years of writing I've certainly wavered. I still don't know if I deserved the chance I was given (call it impostor syndrome), but I know I am going to make damn sure I take advantage of it.
Thanks Josh.

1 comment:

Joshua Claytor said...

I gave you the chance because you were passionate about what you do. You were there at the start to do more than collect mtgo credits, you wanted to build something and I appreciated the hard work you put in.

Everyone is bad at the beginning. I do not look at my pieces at the Dojo or 7towers for a reason. Heck the copies of Scrye I have are only to show Cassius one day that Daddy had his name in a magazine.

You deserve the chance that I gave you, and the one that has been given to you by Starcity. I was filled with pride when I saw your first article there, because we both know how far that you've come along.

More importantly than being passionate about what you do, what you play, and how great you've become at writing you've an even better person and I'm very thankful that you're still around.

If you ever want a guest spot at Pure the doors are always open :D